What it is reader! It's a new year and I still kvetch endlessly and watch a lot of TV. And kvetch about TV. Season 2 of Downton Abbey starts tonight and I am bananas excited about it. Have you seen Season 1 yet? You MUST! Lay in some supplies and power through all seven episodes in a row on Netflix. You'll be so glad you did. Who knew a PBS show about the aristocracy in England would become so damn popular? Read Salon's Irin Carmon's take on it here and former SF Chronicle TV critic Tim Goodman's (now writing for The Hollywood Reporter) review here. I'm in good company with my love for Downton.
On the literature front, I now own a Kindle, which is possibly the best $79 I have ever spent. Yes, the version with ads. Which are connected to my location but somehow not to my buying history on Amazon. Hence, the omnipresent ads for Mercedes of Oakland and various local body waxing emporiums. Talk about ad click-throughs that will never, ever happen.
I finally understand the difference between The Hunger Games and Game of Thrones, which I had been confusing for months. So not the same thing, but both worth reading. Admittedly Game of Thrones is not so much up my alley due to my well-documented dislike of fantasy. I won't lie, I skipped a lot of it. There's only so much swordplay, wench this, m'lady that that Professional Critic can take. But since each volume is seventy million pages it seems like I'm still getting the main points. I look forward to seeing it and catching the movie version of The Hunger Games, even though the trailers don't look super promising. I'm not sure if I'm feeling Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss but we shall see.
The Golden Globes are pretty soon but I'm not sure I'll be able to bring myself to watch this increasingly irrelevant awards show. Yes, my beloved Downton got many well-deserved nods, but American Horror Story? Is ridiculous (though Jessica Lange's nod is well-deserved.) Glee is simply terrible. No Nick Offerman? PAH, I spit on you, Golden Globes. But who am I kidding, I'll probably watch. So much kvetching fodder!
Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I Like TV As Much as the Next Gal, But C'mon
Like the other 23 million Netflix subscribers out there, I wasn't pleased to receive their recent email announcing a substantial rate hike without simultaneous improvement to the generally meh streaming library. However, I was taken aback by the intensity of the massive public outcry against what amounted to an additional five dollars a month. A slap in the face? A betrayal? Strong language for a modest bump in the entirely non-essential entertainment budget line. Only days before, the California State University system announced a 12% tuition hike that hardly received any coverage. Priorities? Yes, we have them and our future idiot workforce will be our proof.
Apropos of nothing, I am loving on Martha Plimpton so hard right now. She was just nominated for her role on the very funny Raising Hope and her Twitter feed is freaking fantastic. Yes to follow!
And here is Stephen Colbert, responding to a recent and thoroughly eye-rolly advertising campaign in the only sane way one can (probably NSFW):
Apropos of nothing, I am loving on Martha Plimpton so hard right now. She was just nominated for her role on the very funny Raising Hope and her Twitter feed is freaking fantastic. Yes to follow!
And here is Stephen Colbert, responding to a recent and thoroughly eye-rolly advertising campaign in the only sane way one can (probably NSFW):
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Extreme Rain, Extreme Couponing
Item 1: This fucking rain. Enough. Already.
Item 2: Extreme Couponing. I grew up with a coupon-clipping mom who took the Sunday ritual of rifling through the circulars seriously. Scissors in hand, she would file coupons into her blue alphabetized accordion file which we were not to touch except to retrieve for her en route to the grocery store.
Extreme Couponing is nothing like this. The goal of extreme couponers is not to save a little on things you need this week but to pay as little as possible for as much as possible, whether or not you need it or can possibly use it within this millennium. Extreme Couponers strategically apply coupons, rebates and grocery store discount cards for things they don't need like bags of Nerds and fistfuls of Mentos to apply savings to things that they do need, like cases of soda, valu-paks of hot dogs and pallets of instant mashed potatoes. The goal of every Extreme Couponer is two-fold: to walk away from the grocery store with hundreds of dollars worth of items for less than $50 (less is ideal) and to grow their stockpile--a beloved collection of neatly arranged items warehoused in spare rooms, closets and garages. This show is like Hoarders cross-pollinated with off-the-grid survivalists with a sprinkling of Oprah fairy dust. The sheer determination and organization of these women made me wonder why they weren't applying their prodigious talents running global businesses instead of amassing bottles of Febreeze and Olay Body Wash, but that question is beyond the scope of this ranty post.
Item 3: The FDA issued new eating guidelines last week to address the growing obesity epidemic, called MyPlate.
Pretty straightforward, right? Much easier to look at how your plate is divided than to figure out how much 3 ounces of meat is or how many green beans are in a half cup. If you've even watched ten minutes of Extreme Couponing you'll know that no one on that show is filling half their grocery carts with fruits and vegetables and the most prominent grocery item featured on the show is soda, nowhere to be seen on MyPlate.
Check out nutritionist and food activist Marion Nestle's reaction to MyPlate but if you're not feeling clicky here's a hint of what might need to change to ensure all Americans have access to affordable fruits and vegetables to cover half their plates:
Item 2: Extreme Couponing. I grew up with a coupon-clipping mom who took the Sunday ritual of rifling through the circulars seriously. Scissors in hand, she would file coupons into her blue alphabetized accordion file which we were not to touch except to retrieve for her en route to the grocery store.
Extreme Couponing is nothing like this. The goal of extreme couponers is not to save a little on things you need this week but to pay as little as possible for as much as possible, whether or not you need it or can possibly use it within this millennium. Extreme Couponers strategically apply coupons, rebates and grocery store discount cards for things they don't need like bags of Nerds and fistfuls of Mentos to apply savings to things that they do need, like cases of soda, valu-paks of hot dogs and pallets of instant mashed potatoes. The goal of every Extreme Couponer is two-fold: to walk away from the grocery store with hundreds of dollars worth of items for less than $50 (less is ideal) and to grow their stockpile--a beloved collection of neatly arranged items warehoused in spare rooms, closets and garages. This show is like Hoarders cross-pollinated with off-the-grid survivalists with a sprinkling of Oprah fairy dust. The sheer determination and organization of these women made me wonder why they weren't applying their prodigious talents running global businesses instead of amassing bottles of Febreeze and Olay Body Wash, but that question is beyond the scope of this ranty post.
Item 3: The FDA issued new eating guidelines last week to address the growing obesity epidemic, called MyPlate.
Pretty straightforward, right? Much easier to look at how your plate is divided than to figure out how much 3 ounces of meat is or how many green beans are in a half cup. If you've even watched ten minutes of Extreme Couponing you'll know that no one on that show is filling half their grocery carts with fruits and vegetables and the most prominent grocery item featured on the show is soda, nowhere to be seen on MyPlate.
Check out nutritionist and food activist Marion Nestle's reaction to MyPlate but if you're not feeling clicky here's a hint of what might need to change to ensure all Americans have access to affordable fruits and vegetables to cover half their plates:
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Weepy Wednesday
Oh, reader. The political shit show in this country rolls on, so my love of Twitter was in full flower last night as I caught the developing hashtag #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement.
Does this phrase ring a bell? No? Allow me to enlighten: it's the response given by his office when idiot Senator Jon Kyl was called out on his Senate floor claim that abortion is "well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does," when it's really 3%.
REALLY? Lying and then avoiding responsibility for lying is behavior a nursery school wouldn't tolerate. What choice did Stephen Colbert have but to launch a Twitter attack, which naturally the Twitterverse picked up gleefully?
Some of my favorites from Colbert:
Jon Kyl was sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner.
Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies.
Jon Kyl can unhinge his jaw like a python to swallow small rodents whole.
Wait, there's more!! Some dingalings on Fox and Friends tried to convince their audience that the services offered at Planned Parenthood like breast exams and pap smears could be obtained at your neighborhood Walgreens. The normally poker-faced Colbert could barely keep it together for this absurd turn of reality:
Jesus wept. Here's a balm for your weary soul: Cute Roulette! Like Chat Roulette without the penises!
Does this phrase ring a bell? No? Allow me to enlighten: it's the response given by his office when idiot Senator Jon Kyl was called out on his Senate floor claim that abortion is "well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does," when it's really 3%.
REALLY? Lying and then avoiding responsibility for lying is behavior a nursery school wouldn't tolerate. What choice did Stephen Colbert have but to launch a Twitter attack, which naturally the Twitterverse picked up gleefully?
Some of my favorites from Colbert:
Jon Kyl was sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner.
Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies.
Jon Kyl can unhinge his jaw like a python to swallow small rodents whole.
Wait, there's more!! Some dingalings on Fox and Friends tried to convince their audience that the services offered at Planned Parenthood like breast exams and pap smears could be obtained at your neighborhood Walgreens. The normally poker-faced Colbert could barely keep it together for this absurd turn of reality:
Jesus wept. Here's a balm for your weary soul: Cute Roulette! Like Chat Roulette without the penises!
Friday, April 08, 2011
Shutdown Distraction
Reader, we're teetering on the edge of a total government shutdown, which somehow in a universe unlike the one I live in, has something to do with abortion. I despise the devolution of politics in this country. Yes, that is a word. I wasn't sure myself.
Clearly I need a bit of distraction from this insanity, so here's a media round-up. In no particular order:
Body of Proof: I've always liked Dana Delaney since China Beach. Remember that show, fellow old people? Delaney's got a great combination of intensity, toughness and vulnerability. Plus, she's super hot. Although she has worked consistently since then, I don't know that she has ever found the right vehicle for her talents. Unfortunately her new show, Body of Proof isn't that vehicle either. Basically House with a lady, with some minor adjustments not even worth mentioning, Body of Proof is eye-rollingly predictable in every possible way: dialogue, characters, plot. Not unlike most network television, but we want more for Dana. I hold hope that the right show will come her way; since Hollywood has so much to offer women over 50, it should be any minute now.
The Walking Dead: I caught the pilot of this zombie show on Hulu a few months back and unexpectedly loved it. I've just finished the first disc of season 1 (pilot plus 3 episodes) and I continue to be transfixed. Suspenseful, scary, creepy, gruesome and sort of funny at the same time, The Walking Dead is the zombie show you never knew you'd like. A great show can absolutely transcend one's general lack of caring about the subject matter: see Friday Night Lights. AMC knocking it out the park these days: Breaking Bad, Mad Men and now this. A veritable trifecta of television awesomeness.
Burlesque: I have so little to say about this movie, I can't even summon full sentences: Christina Aguilera, small-town girl with big pipes and Pussy Cat Doll moves to LA. Cher, struggling club owner. Her best gay friend, Stanley Tucci. Bitchy alcoholic lead dancer, some girl whose name I can't be bothered to look up but you'll recognize her. Power struggle. Aguilera belts and warbles. Boobs. Bling. Trowel-applied make up. Some guy. Love. Triumph over adversity. Zzz.
Twitter: Though I joined in 2008, it wasn't until a few weeks ago when I started following a bunch of people that I got the point of this social networking. At times it is much like overhearing snippets of conversations that you don't understand. However, I am especially enjoying prolific Tweeters Roger Ebert, Mindy Kaling, Stephen Colbert and Jezebel writer Irin Carmon.
The New York Times Paywall: I was a daily reader of nytimes.com as well as a daily user of their iphone app. In the new, post-paywall world, this would cost $3.75 a week. To add iPad or other tablet access to the mix, it's $8.75 a week. Will this be successful? Or will people find so many ways to subvert the paywall (apparently easy to do, Google away) or simply go to other sites for news that they give up, as they did a few years back with their short-lived 2007 paywall experiment? Stay tuned.
Clearly I need a bit of distraction from this insanity, so here's a media round-up. In no particular order:
Body of Proof: I've always liked Dana Delaney since China Beach. Remember that show, fellow old people? Delaney's got a great combination of intensity, toughness and vulnerability. Plus, she's super hot. Although she has worked consistently since then, I don't know that she has ever found the right vehicle for her talents. Unfortunately her new show, Body of Proof isn't that vehicle either. Basically House with a lady, with some minor adjustments not even worth mentioning, Body of Proof is eye-rollingly predictable in every possible way: dialogue, characters, plot. Not unlike most network television, but we want more for Dana. I hold hope that the right show will come her way; since Hollywood has so much to offer women over 50, it should be any minute now.
The Walking Dead: I caught the pilot of this zombie show on Hulu a few months back and unexpectedly loved it. I've just finished the first disc of season 1 (pilot plus 3 episodes) and I continue to be transfixed. Suspenseful, scary, creepy, gruesome and sort of funny at the same time, The Walking Dead is the zombie show you never knew you'd like. A great show can absolutely transcend one's general lack of caring about the subject matter: see Friday Night Lights. AMC knocking it out the park these days: Breaking Bad, Mad Men and now this. A veritable trifecta of television awesomeness.
Burlesque: I have so little to say about this movie, I can't even summon full sentences: Christina Aguilera, small-town girl with big pipes and Pussy Cat Doll moves to LA. Cher, struggling club owner. Her best gay friend, Stanley Tucci. Bitchy alcoholic lead dancer, some girl whose name I can't be bothered to look up but you'll recognize her. Power struggle. Aguilera belts and warbles. Boobs. Bling. Trowel-applied make up. Some guy. Love. Triumph over adversity. Zzz.
Twitter: Though I joined in 2008, it wasn't until a few weeks ago when I started following a bunch of people that I got the point of this social networking. At times it is much like overhearing snippets of conversations that you don't understand. However, I am especially enjoying prolific Tweeters Roger Ebert, Mindy Kaling, Stephen Colbert and Jezebel writer Irin Carmon.
The New York Times Paywall: I was a daily reader of nytimes.com as well as a daily user of their iphone app. In the new, post-paywall world, this would cost $3.75 a week. To add iPad or other tablet access to the mix, it's $8.75 a week. Will this be successful? Or will people find so many ways to subvert the paywall (apparently easy to do, Google away) or simply go to other sites for news that they give up, as they did a few years back with their short-lived 2007 paywall experiment? Stay tuned.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
You'll Fume, But Will Be Glad You Did
Reader, I put off seeing Inside Job, the Academy Award-winning documentary about the financial crisis, for a long time knowing it would make me blood boilingly, teeth gnashingly cra-zay. However this weekend I broke down, largely because I forgot to keep moving it to the bottom of my Netflix queue, it subsequently appeared in my mailbox and I didn't think I could stomach the guilt of returning it unwatched.
So yes, it was just as I imagined it would be--awful, maddening, heart-breaking, but excellent. Director Charles Ferguson did a great job of breaking down all the contributing factors that led to the entirely foreseeable and totally preventable shit storm, with a minimum of Michael Moore-style inflammatory shennanigans.
Here's Ferguson, on why he made the film and why you should watch it, despite the good possibility that you'll be thrown into a state of rageful despair:
On an unrelated note, last week the Associated Press officially dropped the hyphen in 'e-mail' in their style book. I guess this was kind of a big deal.
So yes, it was just as I imagined it would be--awful, maddening, heart-breaking, but excellent. Director Charles Ferguson did a great job of breaking down all the contributing factors that led to the entirely foreseeable and totally preventable shit storm, with a minimum of Michael Moore-style inflammatory shennanigans.
Here's Ferguson, on why he made the film and why you should watch it, despite the good possibility that you'll be thrown into a state of rageful despair:
On an unrelated note, last week the Associated Press officially dropped the hyphen in 'e-mail' in their style book. I guess this was kind of a big deal.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The Rise and Fall of the Paycheck Fairness Act
Reader, I had not even heard of the Paycheck Fairness Act until a few days ago. Unfortunately, the bill which passed in the House of Representatives in January of 2009 was shot down by the Senate Wednesday.
Why are we still fretting about gender income disparity in 2010? This is a non-issue, right? Reader, brace yourself for this nugget of sadness:
Head, meet desk. How can it be that the gender income gap is still so large?
But, wait! We can explain these numbers, reader! It's because ladies make individual choices of flexible, family friendly work, which is naturally worth less because raising the next generation of workers is not important. Don't even get me started on how ridiculous this justification is, but it turns out the "individual choices" theory isn't even true:
From Newsweek:
If you are interested in the history of pay disparity in the US and you've taken your blood pressure pill, you can read more here.
Reader, I've got lots of bones to pick with the President, but I couldn't be more aligned with his message on Wednesday:
Can I get an amen?
Why are we still fretting about gender income disparity in 2010? This is a non-issue, right? Reader, brace yourself for this nugget of sadness:
The American Civil Liberties Union supports S.182, citing the fact that 2008 data from the United States Census Bureau showed that women earned 77 cents for each dollar earned by a man, while the corresponding ratios were 61 cents for African-American women and 52 cents for Hispanic women as compared to wages of white males.
Head, meet desk. How can it be that the gender income gap is still so large?
But, wait! We can explain these numbers, reader! It's because ladies make individual choices of flexible, family friendly work, which is naturally worth less because raising the next generation of workers is not important. Don't even get me started on how ridiculous this justification is, but it turns out the "individual choices" theory isn't even true:
From Newsweek:
Consider this survey from Catalyst, which found that female M.B.A.s who’ve made exactly the “right” life choices—no intention to have children, top-tier schools, high aspirations—still earn $4,600 less per year in their first jobs out of business school. Or U.S. Department of Education data, which separated pay by job sector to determine that whether women who go into teaching or business, social work or science—and before they’ve had the chance to cripple themselves by “life choices” (these are young, childless women we’re talking about)—they will still make roughly 20 percent less than the men they work with.
If you are interested in the history of pay disparity in the US and you've taken your blood pressure pill, you can read more here.
Reader, I've got lots of bones to pick with the President, but I couldn't be more aligned with his message on Wednesday:
I am deeply disappointed that a minority of Senators have prevented the Paycheck Fairness Act from finally being brought up for a debate and receiving a vote. This bill passed in the House almost two years ago; today, it had 58 votes to move forward, the support of the majority of Senate, and the support of the majority of Americans. As we emerge from one of the worst recessions in history, this bill would ensure that American women and their families aren’t bringing home smaller paychecks because of discrimination. It also helps businesses that pay equal wages as they struggle to compete against discriminatory competition. But a partisan minority of Senators blocked this commonsense law. Despite today’s vote, my Administration will continue to fight for a woman’s right to equal pay for equal work.
Can I get an amen?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Royal Wedding, Plus
November is a long month, reader.
So William and Kate are getting engaged. Frankly, this pair is a bit of a snore so I won't be making room in my cupboard for the commemorative mug but I am looking forward to seeing the dress. Kate, please don't disappoint.
I guess Facebook thinks they don't claim enough of our time. They've just announced a messaging service so they can no doubt mine more of our personal information and compromise more of our privacy. Why yes, I did just see The Social Network! Terrific writing (screenplay by Aaron Sorkin, as evidenced by rapid fire dialogue), wonderfully acted, especially Jessie Eisenberg as Mark Zucker. Where did this kid come from? He's like a Michael Cera with gravitas. Trailer for you:
So William and Kate are getting engaged. Frankly, this pair is a bit of a snore so I won't be making room in my cupboard for the commemorative mug but I am looking forward to seeing the dress. Kate, please don't disappoint.
I guess Facebook thinks they don't claim enough of our time. They've just announced a messaging service so they can no doubt mine more of our personal information and compromise more of our privacy. Why yes, I did just see The Social Network! Terrific writing (screenplay by Aaron Sorkin, as evidenced by rapid fire dialogue), wonderfully acted, especially Jessie Eisenberg as Mark Zucker. Where did this kid come from? He's like a Michael Cera with gravitas. Trailer for you:
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Too Good Not to Post
What it is, reader. Today I learned of a new must have ladies' garment as seen on Jezebel. It's the Camelflage, underwear that erase any hints of the pushy labia lurking under your pants. Camelflage, the "original visual privacy undergament."
Who needs Camelflage? According to their website, this woman:
Because the only problem with wearing skin-tight white pants is camel toe. Right?
As I perused the Camelflage website, I was instantly reminded of last month's Vanity Fair, whose cover story featured a portrait of the world's most famous soccer (yes, yes: football) players, their prominently displayed junk straining against tiny nylon football panties.
This was no Ken-doll bulge, reader. You'll have to trust me on this one since Vanity Fair online doesn't show all the photos. I felt like I had stumbled onto gay porn. No worries about "smoothing over" man parts, or being the man "everyone is laughing at behind your back." Sigh.
Who needs Camelflage? According to their website, this woman:
As I perused the Camelflage website, I was instantly reminded of last month's Vanity Fair, whose cover story featured a portrait of the world's most famous soccer (yes, yes: football) players, their prominently displayed junk straining against tiny nylon football panties.
This was no Ken-doll bulge, reader. You'll have to trust me on this one since Vanity Fair online doesn't show all the photos. I felt like I had stumbled onto gay porn. No worries about "smoothing over" man parts, or being the man "everyone is laughing at behind your back." Sigh.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Hippos, Lesbos and Gizmodos
Reader, my LORD.
Check out the rest of the baby hippo pictures from Zoo Antwerp here.
I wonder if that hippo babe looks so happy and well adjusted because he has two moms? If this study has anything to say about it, maybe so. No doubt this will send "family values" folks into a right tizz.
Confession: I have no idea who Justin Bieber is.
Apparently Alanis Morisette got married to rapper Mario "MC Souleye" Treadway. And I have no idea who he is, either. But mostly I was just mesmerized by her boobs in this picture.
Gizmodo continues their panting coverage of the new iphone 4. But it's still AT+T so I say maybe wait for another carrier? That we keep hearing about? Unless you can't. Which I totally understand. But don't forget that AT+T is putting the kibosh on unlimited data for new contracts. A move that is full of suck and too typical.
Check out the rest of the baby hippo pictures from Zoo Antwerp here.
I wonder if that hippo babe looks so happy and well adjusted because he has two moms? If this study has anything to say about it, maybe so. No doubt this will send "family values" folks into a right tizz.
Confession: I have no idea who Justin Bieber is.
Apparently Alanis Morisette got married to rapper Mario "MC Souleye" Treadway. And I have no idea who he is, either. But mostly I was just mesmerized by her boobs in this picture.
Gizmodo continues their panting coverage of the new iphone 4. But it's still AT+T so I say maybe wait for another carrier? That we keep hearing about? Unless you can't. Which I totally understand. But don't forget that AT+T is putting the kibosh on unlimited data for new contracts. A move that is full of suck and too typical.
Monday, October 05, 2009
Yellow Jackets Are Bitchy Assholes
What it is, reader! I write this from a Bendryl induced haze so I apologize in advance if I don't make a lick of sense.
Friday afternoon at work as I was reaching into my bag to get some gum I felt a painful pinch. I yanked my hand out of my bag and this was attached to my finger:
I flung my hand to get it off of me and nearly cried like a baby. It was surprisingly, awfully painful so I took some Benadryl and ibuprofen and iced it for a while. It seemed to work so I thought that was the end of it. A few hours later, though, my finger started swelling up, was red, hot and ridiculously itchy. It wasn't quite this bad, but it was pretty close:
The next day was worse so I ended up calling the advice nurse who asked me if I was drooling or having difficulty breathing. I wasn't--would I wait on hold for ten minutes if I couldn't breathe?--but they asked me to come in anyway. Not sure why since all the doctor did was tell me I was having a normal reaction to a yellow jacket sting and that swelling and itching could go all the way up to my shoulder. I kid you not.
Today is 72 hours post-sting and my entire hand is still crazy itchy. This can last up to a week. Weep.
This is a yellow jacket's ass. Ouchy.
Friday afternoon at work as I was reaching into my bag to get some gum I felt a painful pinch. I yanked my hand out of my bag and this was attached to my finger:
I flung my hand to get it off of me and nearly cried like a baby. It was surprisingly, awfully painful so I took some Benadryl and ibuprofen and iced it for a while. It seemed to work so I thought that was the end of it. A few hours later, though, my finger started swelling up, was red, hot and ridiculously itchy. It wasn't quite this bad, but it was pretty close:
The next day was worse so I ended up calling the advice nurse who asked me if I was drooling or having difficulty breathing. I wasn't--would I wait on hold for ten minutes if I couldn't breathe?--but they asked me to come in anyway. Not sure why since all the doctor did was tell me I was having a normal reaction to a yellow jacket sting and that swelling and itching could go all the way up to my shoulder. I kid you not.
Today is 72 hours post-sting and my entire hand is still crazy itchy. This can last up to a week. Weep.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Music Monday: Cougarville
What it is, reader!
I caught the first episode of the new Courtney Cox show, Cougar Town. What can I tell you? It just wasn't good. Too bad, I kinda liked Courtney as Monica on Friends but this show is dopeyville. You can watch it on Hulu, here.
In other cougar news, I just read that the hot hot Mary Louise Parker is dating some youngster named Charlie Mars. I had not heard of him, but he appears to be a Jason Mraz/Jack Johnson, guy-with-a-guitar singer. Mary Louise also stars in his video, Dark Side:
I found this video neither steamy nor interesting and the song, a snoozefest. Perhaps one does need to be high to enjoy it?
All cougarness, or cougarity, aside, a question arises: she is no doubt teh hotness, but why does Mary Louise so embody passivity? Her lethargic character on Weeds is making the show nearly unwatchable (saved by Andy and Doug), but watching this video, I wonder--is this actually just her?
I caught the first episode of the new Courtney Cox show, Cougar Town. What can I tell you? It just wasn't good. Too bad, I kinda liked Courtney as Monica on Friends but this show is dopeyville. You can watch it on Hulu, here.
In other cougar news, I just read that the hot hot Mary Louise Parker is dating some youngster named Charlie Mars. I had not heard of him, but he appears to be a Jason Mraz/Jack Johnson, guy-with-a-guitar singer. Mary Louise also stars in his video, Dark Side:
I found this video neither steamy nor interesting and the song, a snoozefest. Perhaps one does need to be high to enjoy it?
All cougarness, or cougarity, aside, a question arises: she is no doubt teh hotness, but why does Mary Louise so embody passivity? Her lethargic character on Weeds is making the show nearly unwatchable (saved by Andy and Doug), but watching this video, I wonder--is this actually just her?
Monday, August 24, 2009
What Not To Wear: Cutting Deeper
Reader, today was my birthday. I am OLD years old. So I wanted to look, you know, a little nicer. I pulled out a lovely 3/4 sleeve ballerina style wrap sweater with crochet detail that I bought at Filene's Basement about six months ago but had yet to wear. This would be the right occasion to finally take the tags off!
Reader, it looked TERRIBLE. Whatever possessed me to buy a sweater that looked this bad? I clearly remember standing in front of the mirror at Filene's, tying the sweater this way and that, trying to get it to look the way it did in my head. You know, like Debbie Allen in Fame:
My efforts were in vain, but I bought it anyway, of course. I fell into Big Clothing Myth #1: If you love it, it must look good. Never mind what your reflection is actually telling you.
Since I couldn't put my finger on why exactly I didn't look like graceful Debbie Allen but possibly more like homeless woman, I chalked it up to things that I could change. With better pants, better hair, better lighting, in a different time zone, I was going to wear the shit out of this sweater.
But now, it will join the ranks of the discarded, unworn. With eyes unclouded by visions of Debbie Allen, I can see the problems, and they are legion: the sweater terminates at maximum love handle. The back is too loose and boxy, the opposite of what a slim ballerina sweater should be. Though interesting, the color is somewhat difficult. And it is highly likely that my cats would have snagged the crap out of all that crochet work.
Oh well, reader. Chalk it up to a learning experience.
Reader, it looked TERRIBLE. Whatever possessed me to buy a sweater that looked this bad? I clearly remember standing in front of the mirror at Filene's, tying the sweater this way and that, trying to get it to look the way it did in my head. You know, like Debbie Allen in Fame:
My efforts were in vain, but I bought it anyway, of course. I fell into Big Clothing Myth #1: If you love it, it must look good. Never mind what your reflection is actually telling you.
Since I couldn't put my finger on why exactly I didn't look like graceful Debbie Allen but possibly more like homeless woman, I chalked it up to things that I could change. With better pants, better hair, better lighting, in a different time zone, I was going to wear the shit out of this sweater.
But now, it will join the ranks of the discarded, unworn. With eyes unclouded by visions of Debbie Allen, I can see the problems, and they are legion: the sweater terminates at maximum love handle. The back is too loose and boxy, the opposite of what a slim ballerina sweater should be. Though interesting, the color is somewhat difficult. And it is highly likely that my cats would have snagged the crap out of all that crochet work.
Oh well, reader. Chalk it up to a learning experience.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Tuesday Recap
What it is reader! I'm just back from vacay, tan but fighting off a cold. I'm hopelessly out of date with all things interwebby, so let's do a quick recap of the week's events, shall we?
1. Folks' undies all in a twist about healthcare rationing. Really? Never had a doctor prescribe something for you that wasn't on your insurance formulary? You know, that list of drugs your insurance company will pay for?
2. Same folks undies all wadded up about socialized medicine? Expecting MediCare when you're 65? Socialized medicine. Like to get a response when you call 911? Socialized public safety. Like to borrow books from the library gratis? Socialized public services. Expect your kids to get a free education through grade 12? Socialized education. So STFU already! My patience for this non-argument has left the building.
3. Annie Liebovitz is broke. I care, a little, maybe.
4. Jet Blue has an interesting deal: fly all you want between September 8th and October 8th for $599. Offer ends Friday, so step on it.
5. Men can sport a gut and still be considered hip and attractive. This is news?
6. PETA takes sexism and fatphobia to stunning new heights. FAIL. Check out some of the links to other grody PETA ads at Feministing.
7. The third season premier of Mad Men was Sunday. You can read all about it here.
And I'm tired. Happy Tuesday, reader!
1. Folks' undies all in a twist about healthcare rationing. Really? Never had a doctor prescribe something for you that wasn't on your insurance formulary? You know, that list of drugs your insurance company will pay for?
2. Same folks undies all wadded up about socialized medicine? Expecting MediCare when you're 65? Socialized medicine. Like to get a response when you call 911? Socialized public safety. Like to borrow books from the library gratis? Socialized public services. Expect your kids to get a free education through grade 12? Socialized education. So STFU already! My patience for this non-argument has left the building.
3. Annie Liebovitz is broke. I care, a little, maybe.
4. Jet Blue has an interesting deal: fly all you want between September 8th and October 8th for $599. Offer ends Friday, so step on it.
5. Men can sport a gut and still be considered hip and attractive. This is news?
6. PETA takes sexism and fatphobia to stunning new heights. FAIL. Check out some of the links to other grody PETA ads at Feministing.
7. The third season premier of Mad Men was Sunday. You can read all about it here.
And I'm tired. Happy Tuesday, reader!
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Mrs. Lewis, Signing Out
What it is, reader! I've been sans interwebz for a bit now and learned that while an iphone is a lot like a computer, it can't actually take the place of one. Turns out that many of my favorite sites don't have mobile versions and even when they do, must have been tested on people using magnifying glasses.
But all is well again technically speaking at Professional Critic. Though I did find an impressive array of teeth marks in the phone line, it turns out to not be the cat's fault this time.
What the problem was exactly, I'll never know. While driving to work today I received a call from an AT+T robot this morning in response to the trouble ticket, urging me to stay on the line as it was URGENT THAT I SPEAK WITH A CUSTOMER REPRESENTATIVE.
So I listened to hold chatter for a very long time until I was connected to a service rep. After a comedy routine to rival Who's On First, surprise! He can't find me in their system, totally my fault for not having my trouble ticket number with me in the car or memorizing my DSL number, a number which I have never dialed in my life and never will because that's how these things work, friend. And though I have an AT+T cell phone number and every customer service rep I talked to in the past three days has repeated it back to me dutifully, he cannot find me that way, either. And he calls me, over and over, "Mrs. Lewis," which is not remotely close to my name, and really? Isn't my account up on the screen in front of you? Does the name "Mrs. Lewis" appear anywhere in my account? Because I bet it doesn't.
I'm not sure what was so URGENT because everything is copacetic now. But I'm horribly behind on what's been happening on the information superhighway and have nothing to offer except this baby elephant Luk Chai, from the Taronga Zoo, courtesy of Zooborns:
But all is well again technically speaking at Professional Critic. Though I did find an impressive array of teeth marks in the phone line, it turns out to not be the cat's fault this time.
What the problem was exactly, I'll never know. While driving to work today I received a call from an AT+T robot this morning in response to the trouble ticket, urging me to stay on the line as it was URGENT THAT I SPEAK WITH A CUSTOMER REPRESENTATIVE.
So I listened to hold chatter for a very long time until I was connected to a service rep. After a comedy routine to rival Who's On First, surprise! He can't find me in their system, totally my fault for not having my trouble ticket number with me in the car or memorizing my DSL number, a number which I have never dialed in my life and never will because that's how these things work, friend. And though I have an AT+T cell phone number and every customer service rep I talked to in the past three days has repeated it back to me dutifully, he cannot find me that way, either. And he calls me, over and over, "Mrs. Lewis," which is not remotely close to my name, and really? Isn't my account up on the screen in front of you? Does the name "Mrs. Lewis" appear anywhere in my account? Because I bet it doesn't.
I'm not sure what was so URGENT because everything is copacetic now. But I'm horribly behind on what's been happening on the information superhighway and have nothing to offer except this baby elephant Luk Chai, from the Taronga Zoo, courtesy of Zooborns:
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Traffic School and Baby Animals, The End
Reader, I've finished traffic school and passed my "test." If you need to catch up on my foray into law breaking and my efforts to wipe the proverbial slate clean, and you really should, you can do so here, here, and here.
The online traffic school had seventeen separate modules and quizzes about all the aspects of driving safety you couldnever ever want to learn about. Peppered through each module were pieces of a story about some girl named Anna and the details of her day. For example, stuck right in the middle of the module on speed limits would be the line, "Anna had eggs for breakfast." Later, in the drugs and alcohol section, "Anna had diet soda with lunch." Etc.
At the time I didn't pay much attention/didn't quite understand what they were doing there, but when I logged onto the final exam, sixteen of the forty questions were about Anna. I spent more time combing through the modules trying to find out what kind of car Anna drove and her dream vacation destination than I did on driving safety.
If only I had known what a sham online traffic school was I never would have spent as much time as I did reading all the modules and taking all the quizzes. Perhaps embedding these questions is their way of forcing you to have some interaction with the content but boy it irritated the hell out of me. An irritation that can only be soothed by the balm of baby animals.
Here's a home grown one. Isn't she stinkin' adorable?
Some of you know Nellie. She's the formerly feral kitty of Potrero Hill. She looks innocent here but if you know Nellie, you know she grew up to be a murderess of the highest order. No bird or small or medium-sized mammal is safe when Nellie's around.
For example, this little creature would be dispatched in a trice, cute bunneh feet and all.
Agh, those feet! I die.
You must go look at this mama and baby orangutan montage. It is sweetness.
This concludes our series on traffic school, because really? Zzzzzzzzzzz. But this will not be the last you see of baby animals.
The online traffic school had seventeen separate modules and quizzes about all the aspects of driving safety you could
At the time I didn't pay much attention/didn't quite understand what they were doing there, but when I logged onto the final exam, sixteen of the forty questions were about Anna. I spent more time combing through the modules trying to find out what kind of car Anna drove and her dream vacation destination than I did on driving safety.
If only I had known what a sham online traffic school was I never would have spent as much time as I did reading all the modules and taking all the quizzes. Perhaps embedding these questions is their way of forcing you to have some interaction with the content but boy it irritated the hell out of me. An irritation that can only be soothed by the balm of baby animals.
Here's a home grown one. Isn't she stinkin' adorable?
Some of you know Nellie. She's the formerly feral kitty of Potrero Hill. She looks innocent here but if you know Nellie, you know she grew up to be a murderess of the highest order. No bird or small or medium-sized mammal is safe when Nellie's around.
For example, this little creature would be dispatched in a trice, cute bunneh feet and all.
You must go look at this mama and baby orangutan montage. It is sweetness.
This concludes our series on traffic school, because really? Zzzzzzzzzzz. But this will not be the last you see of baby animals.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
No, Really. This is Important
Reader, file this under WTF?! Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins is dating Tila Tequila? I cannot get this through my mind grapes.
The enchanting Sarah Haskin is back with another episode of Target Women, and this time her sights are set on the fast food advertising douchebaggery of Carl's Jr. Love!
This is so fucking rad. Got to there.
On the opposite end of the radness spectrum is this piece of turd news that the Army is pressuring doctors to not diagnose PTSD. O, epic epic FAIL. Are there not sufficient numbers of civilians freaking out and committing random murder/suicides? Must we expand the pool of traumatized Americans to include those with weaponry experience? Professional Critic is aggrieved.
By this, too: the stupidest marketing campaign I have ever seen, for the idiotically named Fling chocolate bar. My eyes are rolling around so much I have given myself a headache.
The enchanting Sarah Haskin is back with another episode of Target Women, and this time her sights are set on the fast food advertising douchebaggery of Carl's Jr. Love!
This is so fucking rad. Got to there.
On the opposite end of the radness spectrum is this piece of turd news that the Army is pressuring doctors to not diagnose PTSD. O, epic epic FAIL. Are there not sufficient numbers of civilians freaking out and committing random murder/suicides? Must we expand the pool of traumatized Americans to include those with weaponry experience? Professional Critic is aggrieved.
By this, too: the stupidest marketing campaign I have ever seen, for the idiotically named Fling chocolate bar. My eyes are rolling around so much I have given myself a headache.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Traffic School and Baby Animals, Part II
Reader, my driving edumacation continues. Did you know that
You may not make a U-turn:
Where a “NO U-TURN” sign is posted.
When vehicles may hit you.
On a one-way street.
Together now: uh DUH.
But then, this:
In front of a fire station. Never use a fire station driveway to turn around.
Having never previously given this any thought, I do understand why this is not a good idea. I have learned something today.
I found this next nugget hard to take this seriously:
Velocitation – Unconsciously Going Too Fast
Velocitation happens when a driver is unconsciously going too fast. It can happen when driving for a long period of time. Drive when you are alert to avoid velocitation.
Velocitation can cause you not to realize that you’re speeding.
Pardon me, officer, I was lost in thought of all the bargains to be had at TJ Maxx and I must have slipped into velocitation which is somehow not just plain old speeding how now? I cannot say. This remains a mystery.
Reader, I also had the license plates stolen off of my car so sometime this week I may also regale you with tales of the DMV. To the credit of the Oakland Police Department, the officer who came to take the report was exceedingly polite and ridiculously cute. He may not have been of drinking age, however. We indulged in a moment of fantasy wherein he said he would go to the area where my car was parked and "see if anyone saw anything," and I nodded my head as if that would happen. A second later he got a call over the radio and said, "I gotta go. Someone got stabbed." I hella love Oakland.
Nuff o'that! Bring on the baby animals.
Endangered baby fennec hare. In danger of me eating it, NOM NOM.
Fennec fox. Fennec must mean "possessing ginormous ears." Apparently you can keep these little guys as house pets.
Happy Monday, reader. Bleargh.
You may not make a U-turn:
Where a “NO U-TURN” sign is posted.
When vehicles may hit you.
On a one-way street.
Together now: uh DUH.
But then, this:
In front of a fire station. Never use a fire station driveway to turn around.
Having never previously given this any thought, I do understand why this is not a good idea. I have learned something today.
I found this next nugget hard to take this seriously:
Velocitation – Unconsciously Going Too Fast
Velocitation happens when a driver is unconsciously going too fast. It can happen when driving for a long period of time. Drive when you are alert to avoid velocitation.
Velocitation can cause you not to realize that you’re speeding.
Pardon me, officer, I was lost in thought of all the bargains to be had at TJ Maxx and I must have slipped into velocitation which is somehow not just plain old speeding how now? I cannot say. This remains a mystery.
Reader, I also had the license plates stolen off of my car so sometime this week I may also regale you with tales of the DMV. To the credit of the Oakland Police Department, the officer who came to take the report was exceedingly polite and ridiculously cute. He may not have been of drinking age, however. We indulged in a moment of fantasy wherein he said he would go to the area where my car was parked and "see if anyone saw anything," and I nodded my head as if that would happen. A second later he got a call over the radio and said, "I gotta go. Someone got stabbed." I hella love Oakland.
Nuff o'that! Bring on the baby animals.
Endangered baby fennec hare. In danger of me eating it, NOM NOM.
Fennec fox. Fennec must mean "possessing ginormous ears." Apparently you can keep these little guys as house pets.
Happy Monday, reader. Bleargh.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Attend Traffic School with Professional Critic, Part I
Reader, you may have heard about my recent brush with the law as I raced to TJ Maxx. Well, Jesus was right, I did hear from the court soon after that with my citation. So I wrote the Superior Court a check for (ouch) $305. Reader, be ye careful on windy roads in small affluent crime-free towns, as the cops have precious little to do and will pull your ass over.
Because this was my first speeding ticket and I was going less than 20 miles per hour over the speed limit, I am doing online traffic school to get the point off my record or something like that and guess what?! I have already learned something!! It is against the law to: Smoke a cigarette, pipe, or cigar when a minor is inside the vehicle, whether the vehicle is on or off. The fine can be up to $100.00. (California Health & Safety Code Section 118948)
Was this true in the 70s? I don't think so. What should have been illegal but also probably wasn't: Dad smoking a pipe while Mom smoked a cigarette and painted her nails in the car. They deserved every upchuck I ever gave them. Sorry, sisters.
Also, pay attention: NEVER let your car roll down a hill.
Aren't you a better driver already? I know I am. Stay tuned for additional helpful driving tips as I make my way through this course over the next few weeks.
Apropos of nothing, here's a baby clouded leopard from my new favorite website, ZooBorns:
Baby otter goes nigh nigh in crook of arm:
Really, I could do this all day. How about this: every time I post about riveting traffic school, I will reward us all with some bebeh animal pictures that will make you grit your teeth with adorableness?
It's a deal.
Because this was my first speeding ticket and I was going less than 20 miles per hour over the speed limit, I am doing online traffic school to get the point off my record or something like that and guess what?! I have already learned something!! It is against the law to: Smoke a cigarette, pipe, or cigar when a minor is inside the vehicle, whether the vehicle is on or off. The fine can be up to $100.00. (California Health & Safety Code Section 118948)
Was this true in the 70s? I don't think so. What should have been illegal but also probably wasn't: Dad smoking a pipe while Mom smoked a cigarette and painted her nails in the car. They deserved every upchuck I ever gave them. Sorry, sisters.
Also, pay attention: NEVER let your car roll down a hill.
Aren't you a better driver already? I know I am. Stay tuned for additional helpful driving tips as I make my way through this course over the next few weeks.
Apropos of nothing, here's a baby clouded leopard from my new favorite website, ZooBorns:
Baby otter goes nigh nigh in crook of arm:
Really, I could do this all day. How about this: every time I post about riveting traffic school, I will reward us all with some bebeh animal pictures that will make you grit your teeth with adorableness?
It's a deal.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Tell Them Jesus Saved Me
Reader, a few months ago I was heading toward TJ Maxx after taking a wonderful hike in a gorgeous regional park. There's nothing like fresh air to whet my appetite for bargain hunting. I was tooling along a windy road toward my destination, when coming off a hill, I noticed I was going a bit fast. Just as I put my foot on the brake, I saw the police car. I knew I was doomed and sure enough the cop made a U turn and pulled me over.
I'm sure I looked completely insane. Those of you that have ever hiked with me can probably picture it. I was filthy due to returning along a route that turned out to be not quite an actual trail, and had a striped knit cap jammed over dirty windblown hair which was sticking out in every direction in defiance of the hat. I considered my options: should I cry? Make up some fake emergency? Could I pull off flirting when I looked like I had just escaped from a mental institution? Then I remembered a former cop friend who used to tell me how much it bothered him when people he pulled over argued and that he would always let people off with a warning if they simply acknowledged their mistake and apologized.
Reader, maybe I should have flirted or cried because my tactic didn't work. The cop was nice enough as he issued my citation and I resisted the urge to say every smartass thing that came into my head about the police force of this very small, wealthy suburban town and maybe he should try coming to Oakland to chase real criminals instead of bothering Professional Critic in her quest for discount jeans. Can you feel my righteous indignation? Entirely undeserved; I was totally speeding.
Fast forward to a few days ago: I still had not received the details of my infraction in the mail and my court date was coming up quickly. I was not relishing the idea of canceling half a day's worth of meetings to attend to this--or to explain why. I got on the horn to the traffic court.
A nice man named Jesus answered the phone. I explained my situation and he sighed and said my citation was not even in the system yet, they were about four weeks behind processing letters. Again I resisted pointing out that they were actually already eight weeks behind, but who's counting? Jesus said to sit tight, and if I didn't hear anything in another month, to call again.
Jesus, I said, I don't plan to get pulled over again, but if I do, am I going to get arrested?
No, no! Just tell them Jesus said it was okay.
Uh, what is your last name?
He laughed. Oh, we don't give that out for security reasons.
An ID number?
You don't need that, he said assuringly. I'm the only Jesus here.
So, reader, if I get thrown in the poky and use my one call to call you, help me out and tell them Jesus saved me, will you?
I'm sure I looked completely insane. Those of you that have ever hiked with me can probably picture it. I was filthy due to returning along a route that turned out to be not quite an actual trail, and had a striped knit cap jammed over dirty windblown hair which was sticking out in every direction in defiance of the hat. I considered my options: should I cry? Make up some fake emergency? Could I pull off flirting when I looked like I had just escaped from a mental institution? Then I remembered a former cop friend who used to tell me how much it bothered him when people he pulled over argued and that he would always let people off with a warning if they simply acknowledged their mistake and apologized.
Reader, maybe I should have flirted or cried because my tactic didn't work. The cop was nice enough as he issued my citation and I resisted the urge to say every smartass thing that came into my head about the police force of this very small, wealthy suburban town and maybe he should try coming to Oakland to chase real criminals instead of bothering Professional Critic in her quest for discount jeans. Can you feel my righteous indignation? Entirely undeserved; I was totally speeding.
Fast forward to a few days ago: I still had not received the details of my infraction in the mail and my court date was coming up quickly. I was not relishing the idea of canceling half a day's worth of meetings to attend to this--or to explain why. I got on the horn to the traffic court.
A nice man named Jesus answered the phone. I explained my situation and he sighed and said my citation was not even in the system yet, they were about four weeks behind processing letters. Again I resisted pointing out that they were actually already eight weeks behind, but who's counting? Jesus said to sit tight, and if I didn't hear anything in another month, to call again.
Jesus, I said, I don't plan to get pulled over again, but if I do, am I going to get arrested?
No, no! Just tell them Jesus said it was okay.
Uh, what is your last name?
He laughed. Oh, we don't give that out for security reasons.
An ID number?
You don't need that, he said assuringly. I'm the only Jesus here.
So, reader, if I get thrown in the poky and use my one call to call you, help me out and tell them Jesus saved me, will you?
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