Downton, etc.

Reader, last night was the Season Two premier of Downton Abbey and was I ever excited. But also distracted by the awesome live tweeting of Patton Oswalt. What is wrong with me, checking Twitter while watching TV? Media oversaturation at its worst! But I couldn't stop myself because Patton Oswalt's live tweeting of Downton was a wonder to behold. Recommend.

Mary's (played by the wonderful Michelle Dockery) dresses last night were fantastic. You can tell there's a war on since she wore one of them twice. THE HORROR. Anyway, fabulous dress #1 can be seen here, third from the top. Not a great picture but you get the idea. Swoon! The gorgeous red number you catch right at the beginning of this clip. Love. It.

While scouring interwebs for Downton pics n clips I'm realizing there are a lot of Season 2 spoilers out there, since the whole thing already aired in England. Trying to avoid them, although earlier today I glimpsed something I didn't want to know and now I can't un-know. Damn you, first-world internet problems!

In other urgent television news, Paul Rudd is going to be on Parks and Recreation. Gods be good! And wow, that phrase totally comes from Game of Thrones. When I cracked open my Kindle to check the wording of that phrase, I turned right to this passage:

Her loins still ached from the urgency of his lovemaking. It was a good ache. She could feel his seed within her. She prayed that it might quicken there ... She was not too old. She could give him another son."

Pretty much sums up what I can't stand about wench/m'lady/heaving bosom books in one short paragraph. Feh.

2012 All Bright and Shiny

What it is reader! It's a new year and I still kvetch endlessly and watch a lot of TV. And kvetch about TV. Season 2 of Downton Abbey starts tonight and I am bananas excited about it. Have you seen Season 1 yet? You MUST! Lay in some supplies and power through all seven episodes in a row on Netflix. You'll be so glad you did. Who knew a PBS show about the aristocracy in England would become so damn popular? Read Salon's Irin Carmon's take on it here and former SF Chronicle TV critic Tim Goodman's (now writing for The Hollywood Reporter) review here. I'm in good company with my love for Downton.

On the literature front, I now own a Kindle, which is possibly the best $79 I have ever spent. Yes, the version with ads. Which are connected to my location but somehow not to my buying history on Amazon. Hence, the omnipresent ads for Mercedes of Oakland and various local body waxing emporiums. Talk about ad click-throughs that will never, ever happen.

I finally understand the difference between The Hunger Games and Game of Thrones, which I had been confusing for months. So not the same thing, but both worth reading. Admittedly Game of Thrones is not so much up my alley due to my well-documented dislike of fantasy. I won't lie, I skipped a lot of it. There's only so much swordplay, wench this, m'lady that that Professional Critic can take. But since each volume is seventy million pages it seems like I'm still getting the main points. I look forward to seeing it and catching the movie version of The Hunger Games, even though the trailers don't look super promising. I'm not sure if I'm feeling Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss but we shall see.

The Golden Globes are pretty soon but I'm not sure I'll be able to bring myself to watch this increasingly irrelevant awards show. Yes, my beloved Downton got many well-deserved nods, but American Horror Story? Is ridiculous (though Jessica Lange's nod is well-deserved.) Glee is simply terrible. No Nick Offerman? PAH, I spit on you, Golden Globes. But who am I kidding, I'll probably watch. So much kvetching fodder!

Breaking Bad, Apostrophes

[Spoiler alert!] Reader, it's getting harder to watch Breaking Bad. Not because of the increasingly ruthless chicken truck-jacking scenes (eating the dead driver's lunch while the guards suffocate, so brutal), but because of Walt's near-complete transformation from mild-mannered narcissist into delusional raging asshole. Mike is standing out as the show's anti-hero hero, and I wouldn't mind seeing a bit more of Saul. As Walt falls farther down the rabbit hole of wanna-be gangsterism, moments of levity are hard to come by.

Apparently I missed International Apostrophe Day, but no matter! In Professional Critic's book, every day is International Apostrophe day! In honor of the hallowed day, blogger Sam Tanner tweeted this: An apostrophe is the difference between a business that knows its shit and a business that knows it's shit

So full of win! Reader, I would like a poster of this. And even better, I just spent 15 minutes on this apostrophe tutorial and enjoyed myself thoroughly! Yes, I am a dork, thanks for asking.

I Like TV As Much as the Next Gal, But C'mon

Like the other 23 million Netflix subscribers out there, I wasn't pleased to receive their recent email announcing a substantial rate hike without simultaneous improvement to the generally meh streaming library. However, I was taken aback by the intensity of the massive public outcry against what amounted to an additional five dollars a month. A slap in the face? A betrayal? Strong language for a modest bump in the entirely non-essential entertainment budget line. Only days before, the California State University system announced a 12% tuition hike that hardly received any coverage. Priorities? Yes, we have them and our future idiot workforce will be our proof.

Apropos of nothing, I am loving on Martha Plimpton so hard right now. She was just nominated for her role on the very funny Raising Hope and her Twitter feed is freaking fantastic. Yes to follow!

And here is Stephen Colbert, responding to a recent and thoroughly eye-rolly advertising campaign in the only sane way one can (probably NSFW):

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Sunday Round Up

A thrills and chills kind of weekend here at Chez PC. By thrills I mean mowing through platters of house-made salumi and pate with my favorite meat-eating pal at Adesso. The creamiest, smoothest, most happiness-making chicken liver pate, a duck version with cherries and pistachio nuts that was swoon-worthy. So tasty, so decadent. If I was the kind of a person who juice-fasted I would do it now but instead I just ate some ice cream. Thank God I'm not that kind of person because AmeriCone Dream is fucking delicious.

In chills was today's soccer/futbol World Cup. I refuse to call it the Women's World Cup because the men's game isn't called the Men's World Cup. Soundly rejecting the notion that the default for sports is men's just as I soundly reject the equally hideous "male nurse." It was a suspenseful game but as dejected as the Americans looked at the end, we all know Japan could really use a win.

KY Intense ads are playing incessantly on Hulu. It is bugging me that they are referring to a woman's orgasm as "her big moment." Winning a Nobel Peace Prize or being elected president of the United States would be a big moment, but an orgasm? I get that we have to find coy ways of saying orgasm because for some reason we can't say orgasm on television. This will all get worked out when Michelle Bachmann gets elected and outlaws pleasure.

Wilfred is an American remake of an Australian show in which the main character Ryan sees Wilfred as a crude pot-smoking man in a dog suit but everyone else sees an actual dog. It's hilarious. Elijah Wood is perfectly cast in this role, much to my relief erasing my memory of him as Frodo in that awful, ridiculous, endless fantasy torture-fest my friends made me watch. You know who you are.

Breaking Bad, Season 4. Can. Not. Wait!

Extreme Rain, Extreme Couponing

Item 1: This fucking rain. Enough. Already.

Item 2: Extreme Couponing. I grew up with a coupon-clipping mom who took the Sunday ritual of rifling through the circulars seriously. Scissors in hand, she would file coupons into her blue alphabetized accordion file which we were not to touch except to retrieve for her en route to the grocery store.

Extreme Couponing is nothing like this. The goal of extreme couponers is not to save a little on things you need this week but to pay as little as possible for as much as possible, whether or not you need it or can possibly use it within this millennium. Extreme Couponers strategically apply coupons, rebates and grocery store discount cards for things they don't need like bags of Nerds and fistfuls of Mentos to apply savings to things that they do need, like cases of soda, valu-paks of hot dogs and pallets of instant mashed potatoes. The goal of every Extreme Couponer is two-fold: to walk away from the grocery store with hundreds of dollars worth of items for less than $50 (less is ideal) and to grow their stockpile--a beloved collection of neatly arranged items warehoused in spare rooms, closets and garages. This show is like Hoarders cross-pollinated with off-the-grid survivalists with a sprinkling of Oprah fairy dust. The sheer determination and organization of these women made me wonder why they weren't applying their prodigious talents running global businesses instead of amassing bottles of Febreeze and Olay Body Wash, but that question is beyond the scope of this ranty post.

Item 3: The FDA issued new eating guidelines last week to address the growing obesity epidemic, called MyPlate.



Pretty straightforward, right? Much easier to look at how your plate is divided than to figure out how much 3 ounces of meat is or how many green beans are in a half cup. If you've even watched ten minutes of Extreme Couponing you'll know that no one on that show is filling half their grocery carts with fruits and vegetables and the most prominent grocery item featured on the show is soda, nowhere to be seen on MyPlate.

Check out nutritionist and food activist Marion Nestle's reaction to MyPlate but if you're not feeling clicky here's a hint of what might need to change to ensure all Americans have access to affordable fruits and vegetables to cover half their plates:

Shutdown Distraction

Reader, we're teetering on the edge of a total government shutdown, which somehow in a universe unlike the one I live in, has something to do with abortion. I despise the devolution of politics in this country. Yes, that is a word. I wasn't sure myself.

Clearly I need a bit of distraction from this insanity, so here's a media round-up. In no particular order:

Body of Proof: I've always liked Dana Delaney since China Beach. Remember that show, fellow old people? Delaney's got a great combination of intensity, toughness and vulnerability. Plus, she's super hot. Although she has worked consistently since then, I don't know that she has ever found the right vehicle for her talents. Unfortunately her new show, Body of Proof isn't that vehicle either. Basically House with a lady, with some minor adjustments not even worth mentioning, Body of Proof is eye-rollingly predictable in every possible way: dialogue, characters, plot. Not unlike most network television, but we want more for Dana. I hold hope that the right show will come her way; since Hollywood has so much to offer women over 50, it should be any minute now.

The Walking Dead: I caught the pilot of this zombie show on Hulu a few months back and unexpectedly loved it. I've just finished the first disc of season 1 (pilot plus 3 episodes) and I continue to be transfixed. Suspenseful, scary, creepy, gruesome and sort of funny at the same time, The Walking Dead is the zombie show you never knew you'd like. A great show can absolutely transcend one's general lack of caring about the subject matter: see Friday Night Lights. AMC knocking it out the park these days: Breaking Bad, Mad Men and now this. A veritable trifecta of television awesomeness.

Burlesque: I have so little to say about this movie, I can't even summon full sentences: Christina Aguilera, small-town girl with big pipes and Pussy Cat Doll moves to LA. Cher, struggling club owner. Her best gay friend, Stanley Tucci. Bitchy alcoholic lead dancer, some girl whose name I can't be bothered to look up but you'll recognize her. Power struggle. Aguilera belts and warbles. Boobs. Bling. Trowel-applied make up. Some guy. Love. Triumph over adversity. Zzz.

Twitter: Though I joined in 2008, it wasn't until a few weeks ago when I started following a bunch of people that I got the point of this social networking. At times it is much like overhearing snippets of conversations that you don't understand. However, I am especially enjoying prolific Tweeters Roger Ebert, Mindy Kaling, Stephen Colbert and Jezebel writer Irin Carmon.

The New York Times Paywall: I was a daily reader of nytimes.com as well as a daily user of their iphone app. In the new, post-paywall world, this would cost $3.75 a week. To add iPad or other tablet access to the mix, it's $8.75 a week. Will this be successful? Or will people find so many ways to subvert the paywall (apparently easy to do, Google away) or simply go to other sites for news that they give up, as they did a few years back with their short-lived 2007 paywall experiment? Stay tuned.

Another Celeb Couple Calls It Quits, Plus

Oh, reader. I'm no better than US Weekly with my gossipy ways. However, I will make a commitment to never broadcast anyone's cellulite. There's a standard for you.

Moving right along. The incredibly talented and gorgeous Rachel Weisz and her husband director Darren Aronfsky have split after nine years of marriage. Can it be true that she's with Daniel Craig? He seems too old for her. Nope, I'm wrong. He's 42 to her 40 but check him out. Weathered, no?

I'm not sure why gay rumors have been swirling around Jake Gyllenhall for years. Is it solely because he played a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain? Interwebs search yields one Austin Nichols, actor and friend of Gyllenhalls's since high school and prime suspect boyfriend. Here they are at a Lakers game. If they are together, they are unbearably cute. I would pick this guy over Taylor Swift any day of the week.

Reader, if a train wreck had a wreck with another train wreck, it would be a lot like Married to Rock, the new reality tv show on E! about rock star wives. Wreckiest of all is Josie Stevens, wife of Steve Stevens. What can I say? My jaw dropped the moment she hit the screen ad pretty much never closed. Here's a clip for your viewing torture.

Friday Night Lights

What it is reader! Do you watch Friday Night Lights? I know, you don't. And I totally, totally understand why. Football? Texas? Who cares? Me, either.

Or so I thought. Urged on by my very favorite TV critic Tim Goodman and my very favorite football fan, The Mama, I took the plunge. And was immediately hooked. Hooked! This show is about a marriage and life in a small town. It is smartly written and terrifically acted. And just got canceled due to poor ratings. Don't let that stop you--this is the same viewing audience that garners Charlie Sheen over a million dollars for each episode of Two and a Half Men.

Tami and Eric Taylor just may be my very favorite TV couple. I guess others feel the same way--while trying to find a You Tube clip that captures their thoughtful, loving, sexy awesomeness, I unearthed tons of clip reels Tami/Eric fans had compiled, set to cheesy music. Now that's fandom! Here's a quick taste:



Also worth mentioning: this show is extremely wholesome. No cursing, violence or depicted sex. However lots of sex implied, largely involving crazy-sexy-alcoholic-with a-heart-of-gold Tim Riggins, played superbly by Taylor Kitsch, and Lyla Garrity, the impossibly gorgeous Minka Kelly, recently named Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive. Who am I to disagree?

Internet Gems: Call and Response

Reader, I love me some interwebs. And I love that people grace the interwebs with gems like this:



And this:



And this:

Whoopsie!

What it is, reader! As you can see, I keep forgetting that I have a blog to which I should occasionally post. So here I am to talk with you about an all-important topic: new fall shows. There are so many! Are any of them worth watching? Read on!

Outsourced: Did you see this movie? Cute-ish and watchable, perfect for a feverish/dozing sick day at home, it was better than the series pilot. Do all the Indian characters have to be so clownish? Why did the show have to throw in a white Australian woman as the love interest? Could the main character not have fallen in love with an Indian woman, as happened in the movie? Maybe they will surprise us but I won't be there to see it. Thumbs down.

Running Wilde: Reader, being a huge Arrested Development fan, I had some hopes for this show, despite my fear that it would suck. And suck it did, mightily. Keri Russell simply isn't a comedic actor, the dialogue is dumb and all of the Arrested Development conventions like the voice-over narrator and recycled dialogue, just feel forced. I want to give this a thumbs down, but my loyalty to AD will give it another begrudging try.

Detroit 1-8-7: Standard police procedural: moody detective with demons in the closet. A no-nonsense African-American boss-lady. Coworkers that find him mysterious and prickly but damn, he's good at his job. Sorry, Michael Imperioli, I adored you as Christafuh Moltisanti in The Sopranos but your new show illustrates all too painfully what a difference good writing makes. You definitely deserve your own show; I'm sorry this one isn't better. Thumbs down.

Raising Hope: This show has a somewhat shocking and crude premise, but I ended up laughing a lot. Lots of great folks in this one: Martha Plimpton, Cloris Leachman (whose shtick got old pretty quick) as her batty mother. Deadwood fans will recognize Garret Dillahunt as the dad, and burgeoning love interest Shannon Woodward who was terrific as daughter Di Di on The Riches. I will see where this goes.

And that's as far as I got with the new fall shows. I simply couldn't bring myself to watch the new Jimmy Smits vehicle, Outlaw, nor did I care about The Event, a Lost do-over. How about you, reader? What's on your watch list this fall?

The Emmys Plus Cuteness

What it is, reader! The Emmys are this Sunday. Maybe I'll live blog but more than likely I'll totally forget and spend the evening watching clips of animal antics on the internuts (see below). But I did take a gander at the nominees and my word, there are a lot of categories. And so specific! "Outstanding Makeup for a Single-Camera Series (Non-Prosthetic)" ... zzzzz.

But, all we care about are maybe eight of the zillion categories, and of those eight I care most about three: best actor in a drama, best supporting actor in a drama and best drama. And those winners should be respectively: Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad, Aaron Paul in Breaking Bad and dammit, Breaking Bad.

Breaking Bad is the only show that I have paid to download from iTunes because I. Just. Can't. Wait. For slow-ass Netflix. I absolutely do love me some Mad Men but Breaking Bad had me on the edge of my seat so many times this season, literally screaming at the television. Incredible acting, writing and directing. Reader, you watch now, yes? It's only three seasons in. As long as you have a good support team to feed and hydrate you, thirty-six hours of riveting television in one weekend is totally doable.

And last but certainly not least: best buds dolphin and doggie frolic in the bay.. Wah! So sweet. I die.

Two Things That Made Me Laugh Hard

ONE

From Photoshop Disasters:

Part Tyranosaur, Is She?


Put your arm between your knees. No, not your huge arm, your tiny arm.

"No, not your huge arm, your tiny arm." I cackled all day about that.

I know from watching far too many episodes of America's Next Top Model that the broken doll pose can give the appearance of deformity but still. Cackled.

TWO
This clip of Stephen Colbert and Andy Cohen of Bravo re-enacting a fight between Bethenny and Kelly from The Real Housewives of New York City:

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Andy Cohen
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Easily amused.

Professional Critic's Media Picks

What it is, reader! Here are some of my recent media picks:

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I started but didn't finish the popular book by the late Stieg Larsson, and too bad, because this was a thoroughly captivating thriller, albeit a bit violent. Fantastic chemistry between Michael Nyqvist and Noomi Rapace, so more to look forward to, as this is part one of a trilogy. The second book, The Girl Who Played with Fire, is in theaters now. This is in Swedish with English subtitles so be warned this isn't multitasking friendly.

Also in theaters now is a surprisingly enjoyable documentary, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work. I had somewhat unkindly relegated Joan Rivers into the plastic surgery freak/has-been category but at 77 (and with more energy than you can imagine) she is very much back in the game, and hilariously funny.

Another documentary recommendation, The Great Happiness Space, about Japanese host boys, who are paid astonishing sums to entertain wealthy women. This movie takes unexpected twists and turns; at a brief 75 minutes, definitely worth a look.

My only exposure to comedian Louis CK was in his turn playing cop boyfriend to Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation. His great character was written out of the show, but for a good reason--he now has his own show on FX called Louie. Here's a clip:



Enjoy, reader!

"You Can't Tell Me I'm Not Giving You Hot Pants"

What it is, reader! I've just launched a new blog called Second Life. Go on over there and check it out.

I'll still be posting here at Professional Critic. I know you have procrastination needs during the workday and I take that seriously, trust.

To celebrate the arrival of the fourth season of Mad Men, here's a montage of seduction scenes to make your pants hot:



For me, Duck at 2:06 takes it. Enjoy!

TV 'n Stuff

Reader, tonight I watched one episode of the newish FX motorcycle club drama, Sons of Anarchy. I'm not sure that it will be a keeper but I was delighted to see two actors I liked very much from two of my very favorite shows, Mad Men and Deadwood.

Maggie Siff, who played department store heiress Rachel Menken on Mad Men:



And Dayton Callie, who played the wonderful Charlie Utter on Deadwood:



Interestingly, the show also has lots of parallels to The Sopranos. Maggie Siff's character Tara's struggles with learning just how elbow deep in crime her lover Jax really is. Katey Sagal's (formerly Peg Bundy) advice to her, "You love the man. You learn to love the club" had such a Carmela vibe.

So far neither the writing nor the characters of Sons comes close to their earlier shows, but it's great to see these actors again. Who knows, it could get better. Hulu will have episodes up eight days after air date for three weeks.

California people might be a bit more interested; the show takes place in the town of Charming, which I think is supposed to be Stockton, and features all kinds of Bay area references.