Weepy Wednesday

Oh, reader. The political shit show in this country rolls on, so my love of Twitter was in full flower last night as I caught the developing hashtag #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement.

Does this phrase ring a bell? No? Allow me to enlighten: it's the response given by his office when idiot Senator Jon Kyl was called out on his Senate floor claim that abortion is "well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does," when it's really 3%.

REALLY? Lying and then avoiding responsibility for lying is behavior a nursery school wouldn't tolerate. What choice did Stephen Colbert have but to launch a Twitter attack, which naturally the Twitterverse picked up gleefully?

Some of my favorites from Colbert:
Jon Kyl was sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner.
Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies.
Jon Kyl can unhinge his jaw like a python to swallow small rodents whole.

Wait, there's more!! Some dingalings on Fox and Friends tried to convince their audience that the services offered at Planned Parenthood like breast exams and pap smears could be obtained at your neighborhood Walgreens. The normally poker-faced Colbert could barely keep it together for this absurd turn of reality:



Jesus wept. Here's a balm for your weary soul: Cute Roulette! Like Chat Roulette without the penises!

You'll Fume, But Will Be Glad You Did

Reader, I put off seeing Inside Job, the Academy Award-winning documentary about the financial crisis, for a long time knowing it would make me blood boilingly, teeth gnashingly cra-zay. However this weekend I broke down, largely because I forgot to keep moving it to the bottom of my Netflix queue, it subsequently appeared in my mailbox and I didn't think I could stomach the guilt of returning it unwatched.

So yes, it was just as I imagined it would be--awful, maddening, heart-breaking, but excellent. Director Charles Ferguson did a great job of breaking down all the contributing factors that led to the entirely foreseeable and totally preventable shit storm, with a minimum of Michael Moore-style inflammatory shennanigans.

Here's Ferguson, on why he made the film and why you should watch it, despite the good possibility that you'll be thrown into a state of rageful despair:



On an unrelated note, last week the Associated Press officially dropped the hyphen in 'e-mail' in their style book. I guess this was kind of a big deal.

The Rise and Fall of the Paycheck Fairness Act

Reader, I had not even heard of the Paycheck Fairness Act until a few days ago. Unfortunately, the bill which passed in the House of Representatives in January of 2009 was shot down by the Senate Wednesday.

Why are we still fretting about gender income disparity in 2010? This is a non-issue, right? Reader, brace yourself for this nugget of sadness:

The American Civil Liberties Union supports S.182, citing the fact that 2008 data from the United States Census Bureau showed that women earned 77 cents for each dollar earned by a man, while the corresponding ratios were 61 cents for African-American women and 52 cents for Hispanic women as compared to wages of white males.

Head, meet desk. How can it be that the gender income gap is still so large?

But, wait! We can explain these numbers, reader! It's because ladies make individual choices of flexible, family friendly work, which is naturally worth less because raising the next generation of workers is not important. Don't even get me started on how ridiculous this justification is, but it turns out the "individual choices" theory isn't even true:

From Newsweek:

Consider this survey from Catalyst, which found that female M.B.A.s who’ve made exactly the “right” life choices—no intention to have children, top-tier schools, high aspirations—still earn $4,600 less per year in their first jobs out of business school. Or U.S. Department of Education data, which separated pay by job sector to determine that whether women who go into teaching or business, social work or science—and before they’ve had the chance to cripple themselves by “life choices” (these are young, childless women we’re talking about)—they will still make roughly 20 percent less than the men they work with.

If you are interested in the history of pay disparity in the US and you've taken your blood pressure pill, you can read more here.

Reader, I've got lots of bones to pick with the President, but I couldn't be more aligned with his message on Wednesday:

I am deeply disappointed that a minority of Senators have prevented the Paycheck Fairness Act from finally being brought up for a debate and receiving a vote. This bill passed in the House almost two years ago; today, it had 58 votes to move forward, the support of the majority of Senate, and the support of the majority of Americans. As we emerge from one of the worst recessions in history, this bill would ensure that American women and their families aren’t bringing home smaller paychecks because of discrimination. It also helps businesses that pay equal wages as they struggle to compete against discriminatory competition. But a partisan minority of Senators blocked this commonsense law. Despite today’s vote, my Administration will continue to fight for a woman’s right to equal pay for equal work.

Can I get an amen?

Yellow Jackets Are Bitchy Assholes

What it is, reader! I write this from a Bendryl induced haze so I apologize in advance if I don't make a lick of sense.

Friday afternoon at work as I was reaching into my bag to get some gum I felt a painful pinch. I yanked my hand out of my bag and this was attached to my finger:



I flung my hand to get it off of me and nearly cried like a baby. It was surprisingly, awfully painful so I took some Benadryl and ibuprofen and iced it for a while. It seemed to work so I thought that was the end of it. A few hours later, though, my finger started swelling up, was red, hot and ridiculously itchy. It wasn't quite this bad, but it was pretty close:



The next day was worse so I ended up calling the advice nurse who asked me if I was drooling or having difficulty breathing. I wasn't--would I wait on hold for ten minutes if I couldn't breathe?--but they asked me to come in anyway. Not sure why since all the doctor did was tell me I was having a normal reaction to a yellow jacket sting and that swelling and itching could go all the way up to my shoulder. I kid you not.

Today is 72 hours post-sting and my entire hand is still crazy itchy. This can last up to a week. Weep.


This is a yellow jacket's ass. Ouchy.

Getting Sliced by Occam's Razor/Public Service Announcement

What it is, reader! Hope everyone's weekend was filled with thrills and chills or you at least finished the laundry.

Reader, have you heard of Occam's Razor? If not, you're surely familiar with the everyday translation: the simplest explanation that takes all the facts into account is usually the right one.

This is the theory hypochondriacs struggle with but Occam's Razor was made for you: in the absence of any other symptom, a headache is not brain cancer, but simply the need for a glass of water, a better night's sleep, maybe an aspirin.

But once in a while, really not all that often, the simplest explanation is not the right one at all.

And so we move on to the public service announcement component to this post, oral cancer awareness! How FUN!! Oral cancers in the young and healthy are on the rise. According to the Oral Cancer Foundation there was an 11% jump in cases in 2007 alone, thought to be due to a strain of HPV. Remember HPV? We talked about HPV a while back, when it leads to cervical cancer but HPV gets up to other mischief in your noggin, when mischief = sucky cancer.

So, reader: ask your dentist to screen you (which s/he should be doing anyway), don't ignore sores in your mouth that won't heal or any of these symptoms either.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. DUH.

Disclaimer: Sorry if this post freaks your shit out.


I can haz oral cancer screening?

Bits 'n Pieces

Reader, apologies. I've been crapping out on posting and since I know you're on tenterhooks wanting to hear about the minutiae of my exhilarating life, I'll get right to it.

But first. Uh, jet brought down by a flock of geese? Anyone else scared shitless by this and really really glad this didn't happen over the open ocean? Mad props to pilot Captain Chelsey Sullenberger for amazing grace under pressure.

On a darker note, did anyone else know that chucking live birds into a jet engine is a routine part of safety testing? And that testers use the word "ingested" to describe the sought-for annihilation of the birds without loss of engine power? Could there be a more humane way to do this? Friends in aviation, get right on this because Professional Critic does not approve.

Last week Sarah came for a visit. Brunch was thrown with great amounts of mimosas, frittata, buckets of coffee and grossly delish Pillsbury cinnamon buns, my apartment full to busting with more people than it's ever seen. The kidlets forgot to talk about their outfits beforehand, or maybe they actually did, to great effect:



A few days later at the height of the current heat wave, Sarah and I went to the Fitzgerald Marine Reserve, which is a place of magic. That sounds so woo woo California but I don't care. I'm always a fan of places that rope off areas sea lions have claimed to keep the people out. They need to rest, the sea lions. Anyway this place is teh awesome because the rock formations make tons of tidepools if you go when the tide is low. Which you would, because that's the whole point of a place like this.

A sea anemone and other cool stuff in a tidepool. Hey look at that scary crab at the bottom of the picture my hands:



You can't tell because the zoom on my camera sucketh but there were about 40 sea lions snoozing on the rocks and lolling around the shallow pools created by the receding tide.



We stayed until the sun sank low in the sky:



And Sarah looked like a movie star:



It was exciting.


In fact, Gus passed out from all the excitement of having another person to torture at night and he's only just recovering now.

Finally, if you live in the LA area why don't you go see some live music? The record release party for Fol Chen is on February 7th in Echo Park. I went to high school with Mr. S. Bing but I can't be there so go and say hey for me. All the cool kids will be there.