Monday, April 06, 2009

Traffic School and Baby Animals, Part II

Reader, my driving edumacation continues. Did you know that

You may not make a U-turn:

Where a “NO U-TURN” sign is posted.

When vehicles may hit you.

On a one-way street.

Together now: uh DUH.

But then, this:

In front of a fire station. Never use a fire station driveway to turn around.

Having never previously given this any thought, I do understand why this is not a good idea. I have learned something today.

I found this next nugget hard to take this seriously:

Velocitation – Unconsciously Going Too Fast

Velocitation happens when a driver is unconsciously going too fast. It can happen when driving for a long period of time. Drive when you are alert to avoid velocitation.

Velocitation can cause you not to realize that you’re speeding.

Pardon me, officer, I was lost in thought of all the bargains to be had at TJ Maxx and I must have slipped into velocitation which is somehow not just plain old speeding how now? I cannot say. This remains a mystery.

Reader, I also had the license plates stolen off of my car so sometime this week I may also regale you with tales of the DMV. To the credit of the Oakland Police Department, the officer who came to take the report was exceedingly polite and ridiculously cute. He may not have been of drinking age, however. We indulged in a moment of fantasy wherein he said he would go to the area where my car was parked and "see if anyone saw anything," and I nodded my head as if that would happen. A second later he got a call over the radio and said, "I gotta go. Someone got stabbed." I hella love Oakland.

Nuff o'that! Bring on the baby animals.

Endangered baby fennec hare. In danger of me eating it, NOM NOM.

Fennec fox. Fennec must mean "possessing ginormous ears." Apparently you can keep these little guys as house pets.

Happy Monday, reader. Bleargh.


JB said...

fennec must ALSO mean "has eyes so big and deep and entrancing that you may find yourself falling, falling, falling deep into a bottomless pit of love."

also, re: velocitation, funny that they need to make a definition for "unconsciously speeding." isn't "unconsciously driving" bad enough in the first place? if you're "unconsciously driving," then it don't matter how fast you're going, dude - yer fucked. am i right?

Anonymous said...

ClEARly, I need more pets!!!! OMG, those are f-ing cuter than I can stand. And I thought last week's were gonna kill me.

Thanks for the work break, PC. Already needed it.

~ Urgan Farmer

Anonymous said...

Urgan Blurgan...I was trying to imitate the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. Remember him?

Professional Critic said...

JB, yes! Perhaps I should have told the officer that pulled me over for speeding that I was actually driving while in a COMA. Perhaps then he would have let me off with a warning.

Doesn't the fennec hare almost look fake, it's so cute?

Swedish Farmer, yeah, bleargen all the way. Sorry you are in dire need of cute animals on a Monday. I'm only halfway through with my traffic school, so there'll be more baby animals to come.

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