Sunday, February 01, 2009

Live Group Blogging the Super Bowl!

Aw yeah, reader. Maybe you already knew--I have a terrifying amount of sports knowledge to share with you. The few gaps in my SIQ (sports intelligence quotient) will be filled in by my co-viewers: The Mama, BikerBoy and two other people that aren't here yet to name themselves, plus The Kid. She's only three, but mouth of babes, etc.

Stay tuned. We'll be posting throughout the game!

3:03 PC: Faith Hill is so cheesy. Who are those old guys?

3:05 PC: They're here with cheesesteaks! This will no doubt be the highlight of the game for me.

3:07 We are joined by BiggerNerdThanYou and QSpawn.

3:17 Cheesiest anthem ever. Hey, it's Sully Sullenberger!

3:20 Jennifer Hudson, meh

3:22 QS: GI Joe Rise of the Cobra? Is that a penis joke?

3:26 Good GOD when are they going to start playing? What the hell is Gen'l Petraeus doing here? Are my tax dollars paying for this shit?

3:33 They've started to play and the others are getting excited about something huge. I don't know what it is. BNTY says "if the Steelers tromp the Cardinals, I'm leaving at halftime."

3:36 Did you hear that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are splitting up? Sad. Wait, everyone's yelling. Someone lost five yards on that.

3:37 BNTY says "This is huge right here." Oh, he made it. Everyone yells again. This is called a "touchdown."

3:38 BNTY says CHALLENGE!

3:40 Another Da Vince Code movie zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Tire commercial? Audi. Kinda stylish.

3:41 BNTY guessed correctly--this is NOT a touchdown and even "huger." He's kicking a field goal. They're excited again.

3:44 WTF is this commercial for? PEPSI!!! Agh, that sucked. Doritos, kinda funny.

3:45 There's running and chaos. Now it's over. Football is boring.

3:46 Qspawn thinks that BNTY's brother makes good homebrew.

3:48 Look at that hair! Is there a person under that hair?

3:50 TheMomma says oy. She isn't Jewish, so is that offensive?

3:51 Arrested Development's Michael Cera! And Tenacious D! in a period Antiquity comedy? How much better could it get?

3:53 Fashion break. TheMomma's new Jacket is a "nice new color!" says PC.

3:54 BB won't let us get The Kid stoned...what kind of Superbowl values are those?

3:55 Those numbers on the field aren't real.

3:56 I take a Google break to see if there's a religion that mandates flower in hair wearing.

3:57 BNTY: He crossed the line of scrimmage! Oh no he didn't!

3:59 I am reminded by lynchb in Madison to cut Jennifer a little slack due to family being murdered. Sorry, Jennifer.

4:01 Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head? Tires. Kinda funny. QS says that was sexist. BNTY is SO excited about Fast and Furious 4. I am instructed by BNTY to catch up on The L Word, which I know nothing about. There's a long aside of QS choice of paint colors in his new house. Tongues are loosened by beer consumption.

4:04 Everyone's milling around aimlessly. Land of the Lost with Will Ferrell. Hi breasty lady in Doritos commercial! Danica in the shower has arms like a dude. Hot arms says BNTY. I like a chick that looks like she can kick the crap out of me. QS tells me that BNTY met her wife at a self-defense class where she was the teacher. It all comes together.

4:08 Commercials: Guys really hurting each other and then saying "I'm good." It's Diet Pepsi for MEN? QS can FINALLY drink diet soda! Bud horse commercial, that was pretty good.

4:11 BNTY informs us she needs to go to Hollywood and write scripts for all shows. We support her in this endeavor. Everyone yells. Another Bud horse commercial. This one was stupid. Star Trek prequel. Everyone is excited about this but me. I'm sure I'll be forced to watch this eventually with at least one of the people in this room. Love y'all!

4:14 Everyone yells again. Like this: OHHH! Very dramatic.

4:17 BNTY says her wife is going to see strippers at The Stud. I would so much rather be there. Everyone yells NICE! The hair guy missed a tackle. The hair guy is Troy P something.

4:19 The Kid announces, "I'm dirty." It's first and twenty. As if I know what that means. Suck it Nate!

4:20 SO CLOSE! The Cardinals almost make it. Then they make it! Reader, that's a "touchdown!" We get excited. Even me. Sort of.

4:26 Everyone says oooh. Depressing. Now it's "perfect coverage." We discuss how people look uncoordinated in slo-mo.

4:31 Something exciting happened but I was busy looking at pics of Michael Phelps with a bong. The Cardinals did something good. BreastMan ran far with the ball.

4:32 Something about a chop block. BNTY is disgusted. He took out the guy's legs and .. someone else was blocking him and it's bad, I guess.

4:37 Moans and groans. BNTY: The man who's paid ten of millions of dollars a year to catch the football just dropped it. Then everyone says nice. Wow. Commercial for new Pixar movie Up. I'm tired of hearing about Drinkability.

4:41 The Kid does something to the Mama and BB's computer. Jay Leno mugging from a blue sports car. BNTY just informs me of the shocking news that Jay Leno is going to be on M-F at 10pm, cutting an hour off of prime time every night. Read about it here.

4:50 Good lord could the time go any slower? Football is amazing like that. Did you all hear about the flak Bruce Springsteen is getting for releasing his album only to Wal-Mart than OMG! A Steeler just made a break for it and got a touchdown. Everyone: that's huge. Wows all around.

4:53 A 280 pound man just ran 100 yards and is now sucking down the oxygen. I'm amazed by this but everyone assures me oxygen is commonplace.

4:59 This SOBE commercial seems like an acid trip.

5:00 Halftime. Thick necked guys in suits blather on about Warner's horrible mistake. BNTY speculates that the bookies got to him.

5:02 When does the fun halftime stuff start? We discuss the wide pin-stripe suit on Mike Holmgren and agree it's unflattering and that he looks like Wilford Brimley. BB says of Dungy, "I thought I had big ears." Where's Bruce at?

5:04 We agree the commercials are boring this year, as predicted. The Mama made banging molasses cookies.

5:07 It's Bruce, wearing a lot of makeup. BNTY explains that because of HD everyone has to wear more makeup. 10th Avenue Freeze Out. Sounds bad, but I still love Bruce.

5:10 QS says, "I'd like to see his wardrobe malfunction" and then as if ON CUE, Bruce crotch slides right into the camera! We all die laughing, but no glimpse of the Boss' jewels. Born to Run.

5:13 Glory Days. We try to remember Little Steven's character name on The Sopranos. It's Silvio. QS comments that now the cameraman knows if The Boss is circumcised.

5:23 Another weirdly pin-striped suit worn by a trunk-necked man.

5:27 I cannot believe this is only half over. Not sure how much longer I'm gonna last.

5:29 Playing commences.

5:35 Something dramatic and controversial is happening. Avatars and Coke. Another tire commercial. Kinda funny Denny's commercial with wise guys.

5:42 It's Cuba Gooding Jr in the stands looking mighty haggard.

5:47 Any shred of interest I had for football has left the building. The Kid starts telling me stories.

5:49 The Kid: Once upon a time there was a boy named Big Bad Wolf and he walked along the meadow and he was playing football and some jelly was coming and mushed his face. And it hurted, a lot of it. The he went to sleep and a washcloth got the jelly off.

5:51 Kid: Now it's going to be a different story about a turtle. Once upon a time there was turtle named Bud and he was walking in the forest and there was lion coming and he said can I walk with you turtle and he said no no! And the lion said I want to, why? Why? Why? But I'm not going to let you and you're in my way and the trees. And the lion said Yeah! Can I come with you? Sure, says her. That's the turtle.

5:54 It's a foul. Unnecessary roughage?

5:56 Kid: Once upon a time there was a little tiny turtle named Chocolove. She went shopping and there was light and dark in there and it had a lot of nightlights in there so they could see because there's lot of groceries there. It was a big grocery store. That's all.

5:58 Awesome commercial for Career Builder--the best so far. Here it is.

6:03 I ask for a game brief: BNTY says the Cardinals should be out of it, but they're not. QS says The Cardinals have been doing everything they can do to lose the game, but The Steelers have not been doing their part.

6:18 Cash4Gold commercial featuring MC Hammer and Ed McMahon. This has got to be a first for the Super Bowl. Sign of the times. Funny, though.

6:20 BNTY yells Nice! Run! Run! Run real fast!

6:26 Larry Fitzgerald gets a TD for The Cardinals after a balletic leap. Hilarious commercial for Hulu featuring Alec Baldwin. Love him to bits.

6:34 Great ad for Pepsi, spoof of MacGyver featuring Kristen Wiig and Will Forte from SNL and the real MacGyver Richard Dean Anderson.

6:35 The Kid: My bum itches.

6:42 Even though I haven't the foggiest idea what's happening, I feel the tension in the room and feel the same. BNTY yells Oh, safety Safety. That's a safety. BNTY is right. That means points and the ball back. I remember this hasn't happened since Super Bowl XXV. You may have known that as well.

6:47 Wow! Amazing breakaway by Fitzgerald again! He's FAST.

6:49 Even I found that exciting.

7:01 Dramatic TD by Steelers with 35 seconds left. I'm a little disappointed.

7:09 Drama in the last moment. But they're not reviewing the play. Huh. Game over.

Phew! Another Super Bowl over. Thanks for stopping by, reader.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

remember it's jennifer hudson's first performacne since her family was murdered, she seemed sad. i'll try to stay with you throughout your blog. you are very ambitious to do this. you missed the golden globes tho, I looked to youfor a recap since i didn't get to see it. lynchb

Professional Critic said...

Hi lynchb! I did know that about Jennifer, I guess i should have been nicer. I'll correct.

WPFC said...

Hey Critic:

Too bad you weren't watching the game in Arizona, you might have had something else to blog about:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwDirC4jqVg

Sean

Professional Critic said...

OMG! What the heck happened there???

batwinger said...

Who are the 2 who are not here to name themselves yet? That is so confusing.

I skipped all the football stuff but loved the Kid's stories. All we get around here is nonononononononononno.

Professional Critic said...

That ended up being QueerSpawn and BiggerNerdThanYou. I didn't know what they were going to want to call themselves. I guess it sounded needlessly cryptic. What's FF all nononono about?