Mail Order Mystery

Reader, I thought the era of mail order catalogs had ended. Victoria had long since figured out I wasn't buying her Secrets. I happily purchase Pottery Barn's beautiful floral linens--on ebay (Sophia duvet cover. Love. It.) Mailing catalogs is expensive and in the time of online shopping, pointless.

But last week a catalog appeared in my mailbox from a company called Ashro. On the cover was a middle-aged African-American woman decked out in an Easter-egg purple peplum suit and a tall brimmed, trimmed hat that looked like an Ascot matron had collided with Patti Labelle's circa 80s hair. Another mail delivery fail, I assumed. But no, it was addressed to me, with an urgent message that I order today or this would be my FINAL CATALOG.

The vaguely threatening language was enough to pique my curiosity, so I leafed through the collection of clothing, shoes and wigs to see if there was anything of interest. In moments, it became quickly and abundantly clear that I am not the demographic Ashro is after. Although Ashro carries an impressive selection of caftans--and there is definitely a caftan in my future--all those yards of polyester sounded too sweaty and staticky.

So I guess this will be my FINAL CATALOG. But I did learn how to measure my head for a wig, so that's something.