Sunday, September 21, 2008

Live Blogging: The Emmys

Let me preface this by saying that I've been home all weekend nursing a cold and have run out of things a sick person can do: dyeing my hair, running the five thousand Chase credit card offers through the shredder, napping, a short grocery jaunt with a side visit to the Gap where there are really good sales right now.

In a nutshell, I'm bored as hell or live blogging would not cross my mind if for no other reason than I haven't seen the great majority of the nominated shows. But whatevs! I really just want to see the dresses.

First things first: I'm hungry.

Waiting for The Emmys To Start
Polenta Lasagna Starring Many Convenience Foods
from Trader Joe's

I used a square pyrex, but you could easily use a brownie pan if you're cooking for 3+.

Lightly oil bottom of pan

Cover with slices of premade TJs polenta ($1.99) around 1/2 inch thick.

Lightly brown some onion and garlic. Throw in around 1/3 pound TJs ground turkey ($4.05 for package, I had enough leftover to form and freeze 3 generous turkey burgers). Let that cook down until nearly dry, bust up the big lumps until it looks like ground taco meat. The nice thing about turkey is that you won't be left with a big pool of fat and have to figure out what to with it. The downside is ... turkey is less fatty-delicious. Life is full of trade-offs. Salt and pepper to taste

Spread that over polenta slices.

Thinly slice a chevre log ($2.49). It slices best when it's very cold. I like the herbed kind but plain is mighty fine, too. A little of this goes a long way once it melts but whatever makes you happy. Go full hog if that's what you need to do.

Saute some sliced mushrooms. You can buy at TJs already sliced or to save a little money buy whole and slice yourself (1.99). I like to use olive oil and butter to saute mushrooms because I think that combo brings out the mushroomy decadence in such a delightful way. Salt and pepper to taste. Let those cool in a bowl.

Coarsely chop some spinach (12 oz bag 1.99) and let that cook down in the hot pan. Use a lot, you know how spinach disappears. Let that drain in a fine mesh strainer, pressing down with a wooden spoon. Astounding amounts of water will come out--this will make your lasagna soupy, so get it pretty dry.

Cover all that with some thin polenta slices.

Brush some melted butter over the top of the polenta slices and any exposed veggies underneath, or they will get dry and not delicious. Melted butter goes a long way, a tablespoon of butter will be plenty.

Bake covered, 350 for 20 or so minutes.

This was cheap, fast and damn good. Next time I would chop the mushrooms finely instead of slice and use more spinach. Other than that, good stuff. I just ate half the pan. If you are a veg, omit the turkey and add more finely chopped veggies.

The red carpet show is starting!

6:30 Who the hell is George Pennachio?

Randolph Duke fashion commentary.

Who the hell is Leslie Sykes?

6:32 Sally Fields and the guy who plays one of her sons on Brothers and Sisters, Matthew Rhys. This show is terrible. I watched it twice because I really like Rachel Griffith but even that wasn't enough.

Sally looks pretty, very age appropriate without looking frumpy. Nice loose chignon, sparkly earrings. For some strange reason the stars are standing behind a waist-high barrier so you can't see the full length outfit. What is the point of that?

Evangeline Lilly. I've never watched Lost either. I know this is an error and it will be corrected someday. She's wearing a very shiny Art-Deco Elie Saab. You know Elie, he designed the dress Halle Berry wore to accept her Oscar. Excellent shoes, too.

Marcia Cross is yikes in some celery-colored monstrosity that looks like a shrub crawled across her bosom and died.

Finally am understanding that this is nothing more than one long commercial for ABC. I feel swindled.

Tim Gunn from Project Runway. I've seen this while flying Jet Blue and enjoy it thoroughly. He's saying something about men's fashion, classic styles zzzzzzzzz.

6:45 I'm bored.

6:46 Teri Hatcher is annoying but is rocking a pretty canary yellow dress, which makes me like her more. Remember the dress Michelle Williams wore to the 2006 Oscars? So pretty.

6:49 Carrie Ann Inaba. No idea who she is. Her dress is a little bit Mrs Roper. For some reason we get a full length view of her perhaps because the designer is ... Randolph Duke. Imagine that.

6:53 Vanessa Williams always looks great no matter what she's wearing. I guess Ugly Betty now films in NY?

More zzzzz I discover that the actual Emmys don't start until 8pm so signing off for now ...

8:01 Oh, Oprah. You look like a tomato. This dress does not flatter like it should. Great hair, makeup and earrings though. She toots her own horn kind of a lot during her monologue.

The five hosts for the evening are Heidi Klum, Ryan Seacrest, Howie Mandel, Jeff Probst, and some guy I don't recognize, all reality show hosts. This depresses me horribly as though all of Hollywood is giving up on scripted series. Sigh. Its funny that Heidi is a head taller than all of these men.

8:06 I'm ready to turn this off already. Not a good sign. Suddenly William Shatner is on the stage tearing off Heidi's tuxedo to reveal a skimpy sequined hot pants-suit. Ugh.

8:08 Tiny Fey and Amy Poehler present for best supporting actor. Amy is super pregnant and looks fantastic. Tina looks foxy in a black strapless dress. Jeremy Piven takes it for his 3rd consecutive Emmy win. I've heard he is kind of an ass in real life and that is confirmed when he fails to acknowledge his co-star Kevin Dillon who was also nominated. Still, no one chews up a scene the way Ari does.

8:18 Julia Louis Dreyfuss presents for best supporting actress in a comedy. Great coral color but not a great dress. Jean Smart from Samantha Who wins. I have no idea who she is and have never seen this show.

8:26 Heidi has a new dress on, a very sculptural champagne-colored thing that alternately looks pretty and like it's strangling her. Desperate Housewives present for best supporting actor. Felicity Huffman's hair is killer. She looks like Ellen Barkin. Zeljko Ivanek from Damages wins.

8:30 Ricky Gervais for best director in comedy, music etc. I get a glimpse of Mariska Hargitay wearing a vivid marigold colored dress that looks pretty fabulous. Hope I see that again. Montage of acceptance speeches ... pretty good. Ricky gets into a dust-up with Steve Carrell over the Emmy he "stole" from him last year.

8:41 Conan O'Brien used to write dialogue for Bart Simpson? That's cool. Oh snap! Conan tells Katherine Heigl what time it is. Best supporting actress in a drama is Dianne Weist. I've never seen In Treatment but it's a Netflixer for sure.

8:44 Jennifer Lo-Hew, what an interesting dress. I don't think I love it but points for doing something different. Uh, I got lost, what is this category? Writers? They try to outdo each other in their introductions, which is pretty awesome. Colbert Report takes it. What's not to like about Steven Colbert, really?

8:50 Steve Martin. Oh, there's Kyra Sedgewick and Kevin Bacon! Love her in The Closer. Wonder if she got nominated tonight??? What is Steve talking about now? Time for a few squares of dark chocolate with almonds.

8:56 I'm lost, it's one of the Smother's Brothers. I have no idea what he won for.

8:57 This is about the fifth time they've showed the Tine Fey American Express commercial. Mercy.

9:01 Heidi in yet another dress. Josh Groban sings a medley of TV themes. Unbearable. I can't stop cringing. But he does a pretty good Cartman from South Park, I'll give him that.

9:06 Alec Baldwin presenting for lead actress in a miniseries or movie. I have seen zero of these. Laura Linney takes it for John Adams. I adore her. But the dress is terrible, bad nude color that is not right for her skin tone at all.

9:13 Laugh In. I just ... don't know what the hell this is about. I decide to do some arm exercises with the stretchy band instead. This segues into an award for comedy or variety show given to The Daily Show.

9:19 Lauren Conrad and that guy from Angel. Lauren's skin tone looks very odd indeed. I miss everything after that trying to figure out why. It's more than just overuse of tanner, but I'm not sure what. I make a mental note to Google this tomorrow.

9:20 Directing for a comedy series goes to the Pushing Daisies pilot. Never seen this show.

9:23 Best writing in a comedy. Flight of the Conchords is nominated, this show is freaking hilarious. Tina Fey wins. Maybe that dress is purple? She isn't wearing her glasses and so doesn't look just like Sarah Palin. Have you seen that SNL skit? Here it is.

9:31 West Wing? Martin Sheen behind a desk. Wha? Something about politics and television. Martin tells us to vote in November.

9:33 Some guy I don't recognize in Elton style glasses talking about God only knows what for way too long.

9:35 Christian Slater and Christina Applegate. Her one-shoulder ice blue and silver dress looks a bit matronly. Best made for television movie goes to Recount, whatever that is.

9:41 Laurence Fishburne and Bill Peterson from CSI. Wait, what? Laurence Fishburne is taking over for him? Who knew? Supporting actor in a miniseries goes to Tom Wilkinson for John Adams.

9:44 John Stewart and Stephen Colbert: "America needs a prune." I don't get it. Director for a series or special goes to Jay Roach for Recount. I guess I should see this movie. Writing for a series or special goes to uh, some guy whose name I missed for John Adams. But I have no desire to see this and I feel a little guilty about it.

9:53 MASH montage. Sandra Oh and Patrick Dempsey present for supporting actress in a miniseries or movie. Eileen Atkins wins for something that I missed

9:55 Kathy Griffin and Don Rickles. Don gets a standing ovation. Kathy's dress isn't so bad but some weird mesh stuff tied around her waist makes no sense. Don: "Let's read these funny lines they wrote for us." Ha! Oh god, best reality show is a category? The Amazing Race takes it for the sixth consecutive win. I feel sad.

10:01 I realize with a sinking feeling that this is not ending at 10. Sweet God above, really? John Adams wins for outstanding miniseries. Tom Hanks looks perfectly awful. I may need to watch it after all.

10:08 Individual performance on a comedy goes to Don Rickles for "Mr Warmth." He's says, "It's a mistake," and tells the audience he's been in the business 55 years. That's some chops.

10:12 Kate Walsh looks stunning. But Private Practice sucks. I'm becoming derailed. This show is going on for too many hours and I need to go to bed soon. Awards are doled out fast and furious. I brush my teeth and pray for deliverance.

10:24 Paul Giamatti wins for John Adams.

10:25 Candace Bergen presents lead actor in a comedy series to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. He is utterly hilarious on that show and gives a classy acceptance speech comparing Tiny Fey to Elaine May. Sweet.

10:27 Lead actress goes to Glenn Close for Damages. Deserved yet so many great performances in this category.

10:29 Dead People Montage

10:37 Kiefer Sutherland presents best actor in a drama series to Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad neither of which I have heard of until tonight. Hm.

10:40 Tick tock. Brooke Shields looks fantastic in her cranberry colored dress. She and Craig Ferguson present best actress in a comedy to Tina Fey, who gives a great speech acknowledging her co-nominees. Take note, Jeremy, this is how it's done.

10:43 Reality show host is a category? Whimper. Jimmy Kimmel's presentation is pretty funny. Jeff Probst wins and so have the terrorists.

10:52 Mary Tyler Moore has had a lot of plastic surgery. Betty White looks normal, like the old lady she is. They present best comedy series to 30 Rock and Tina pulls her acceptance speech out of her cleavage. Awesome.

10:55 Wait, it isn't over yet? Tom Selleck presents best dramatic series to Mad Men, which is in my Netflix queue tagged "very long wait," oh well.

It's finally over. I'm never doing that again.


Anonymous said...

thoroughly enjoyed that melg

Professional Critic said...

glad it was less painful to read about than to watch ...

Anonymous said...

Do you think all of the "I have no idea what they're talking about" is to do with lack of concentration, lack of more than six tv stations or lack of, um, youth?