Thursday, September 18, 2008

Live Blogging: America's Next Top Model

7:58 Coming attraction. It's the makeover episode. Jackpot!! Josephine starts to eat the peel-off Netflix paper and I have to yell at her, damn pica kitty.

8:00 Always struck by how much Tyra looks like a drag queen, but a really really awesome one.

8:01 Commercials. "Clinical strength" deodorant for extra stinky girls. Pepsi. Kohl's. Kinda curious about the Vera Wang line but I think it's a bit pricey. The new 90210. Except now there's a black kid.

8:04 The girls debrief last panel and discuss their various shortcomings, mostly posing and showing their personality. They girls say "like" every other word. Tyra shows up and distributes tiaras. She's got a great Posh style weave. Tyra talks about giving up on couture rather than lose the 15 pounds agents in Europe wanted her to lose, and her subsequent career transition to Victoria's Secret and Sports Illustrated. Then she announces makeovers and the girls shriek.

8:06 Tyra, Miss J and Jay act out a fairy tale in which Tyra eats a poison apple, falls into a swoon then has to be carried out by Jay. I feel like I'm on drugs. What the hell has Jay done to his hair?

8:08 Makeovers start. Tyra is popping up in the corner as the fairy godmother. This fairy tale theme isn't working for me. It's just weird. Maybe they all have frustrated thespian fantasies. This is the first time I've seen a weave sewn in, and it's oddly medical looking.

8:10 First tears are shed as Samantha's ponytail is hacked off. She's given the Posh bob and looks terrific.

Hannah also get a bob, Katie Holmes style and also looks great.

Clark goes darker and wow she looks a lot like Rachel Griffith. She's a little funny looking but anyone who's watched this show knows that doesn't mean she won't take incredible pictures.

There's a bunch of boring blonds in the middle that I can't tell apart. Sorry.

Sheena gets called out for looking too much like Kimora Lee Simmons so her hair gets straightened and highlighted. It's pretty but also sorta blah in that Jennifer Aniston ironed hair way.

Miss J hints that something drastic is going to happen to Elina and ...

8:13 Commercials. Cell phones, crappy looking Kate Hudson movie, Gardasil, Victoria's Secret, Everybody Loves Chris, car commercial, Smallville, etc.

8:18 Back to Elina looking worried. Fairy Tyra tells us that Elina reminds us of Angelina Joile but since there can only be one Angelina she has other plans for her. Cut to Elina weeping. Her hair is curly, long and red. She looks very different but fabulous.

McKey gets darker and shorter. The result is very Demi, good.

Isis gets a long straight weave and it looks better but the overall effect is still eh.

Brittany looks like supersexy Halle Berry.

8:21 Tyra Mail clues the girls to a night time activity. The girls are whisked to ... Wal-Mart. Huh. A Covergirl rep meets them there and guess what! She's the wife of noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker! Who we all think is a homo! The girls have to record a short commercial extolling the virtues of some Cover Girl product that matches your skin tone. I get excited; these commercials are usually a trainwreck.

The girls primp like crazy, then get their one take. Most flop it, Hannah wins. She's a cutie.

8:26 Tyra Mail hints at a possible swimsuit shoot. The girls fret. They never talk about hair removal on this show, but it's something I often wonder about since my unruly bikini line is the first thing I think of when I need to be in a bathing suit.

Elina trash talks her mom in the confessional and links their relationship to her fear of letting go, which somehow relates to her struggle to accept her red hair. Brittany flips out that Elina is talking about her mom that way. There's a tense moment of cultural difference but everyone moves on.

8:27 Commercial with last cycle's winner, Whitney, wearing the most godawful blue eye makeup I've ever seen. Looks like a raccoon joined The Blue Man Group. She's a gorgeous girl, what did they do to her? Stouffer's commercial for faster microwaving family-size entrees. Depressing. Gossip Girl, home edition of Dance Dance Revolution.

8:30 Lots of posing practice. Girls give each other feedback and are mostly nice to each other. Annaleigh frets about her lack of confidence and Marjorie hugs her.

8:31 The girls roll up to an amazing beach house in Malibu and correctly guess they'll be shooting swimsuits. Shrieking and clapping ensues. Jay tells the girls that Tyra was the first black girl on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Then he brings out the photographer Russell James, the same one that shot Tyra, and swimsuit designer Susan Holmes.

8:32 Girls get coiffed. Jay announces he is not directing the shoot. The girls become worried. Jay does confidence boosting with the girls while they wait their turn.

Analeigh starts to flip out. Her shoot is awkward.

Sheena needs to work on her moves, feel a little more comfortable in her own skin.

Russell tells Hannah that her eyes are "too intense." Later he says what we were all thinking, that she had "psycho eyes."

Brittany looks uncomfortable.

Samantha looks awesome in her white bikini.

Elina's hair is looking super beachy sexy. Both Russell and Susan like her. You can tell she took a killer picture.

Lauren Brie looks like a porn star.

Isis is telling Jay that she is nervous about wearing a bathing suit. Jay tells her that no one on the shoot knows. This doesn't seem to relax her and it shows in the shoot.

8:39 Commercials

8:44 Panel with Miss J, Paulina, Tyra, Nigel. Guest judge is swimsuit designer/former model Susan Holmes.


Sheena's pic is boring, but judges like it. Tyra calls her "serene." I guess.

Paulina calls Annaleigh out on her scary arms. Judges agree she needs work on her posing.

Clark looks ill to me but the judges seem okay with it except for her "not voluptuous mouth," per Paulina.

Hannah doesn't have enough pose variety.

Lauren Brie has a pretty face but she still screams men's magazine to me.

Brittany is taught about the difference between acting like "herself" and acting like "her model self," which are not the same thing AT ALL.

McKey's picture came out great.

Nigel asks Isis her if she was nervous and she says she was but she relaxed eventually but her picture doesn't support that.

Tyra describes Marjorie's photo as "high end edgy." I don't see it.

Everyone loves Samantha's pic.

Praise is heaped upon Elina. Nigel calls her "stunningly beautiful." Tyra says that her makeover has made her look "racially ambiguous," and more girls will connect with her.

Miss J calls out Joslyn on her cliched pose. I agree.

8:50 Commercials

8:53 Judges deliberate. Sheena needs more variety in her poses, Annaleigh's face is "dull," Clark is "not as photogenic as I wanted her to be," while Lauren Brie takes better pics than she appears live. They love Samantha, Isis seems stuck, they mock Joslyn's pose again.

8:55 "Twelve young ladies stand before em but unfortunately I only have eleven photos in my hand ..."

The bottom two are Annaleigh and Brittany.

Tyra tells Annaleigh that she's a girl that should "be ahead of the pack with her ice skating," wtf? and that the judges expect more from her. She tells Brittany she's "such a pretty girl ... but for some reason it's not connecting in your photos."

Annaleigh stays, Britt gets the boot. Tyra tells Britt to go home and buy lots of high fashion European magazines and practice, because "it's there." Back at the house, Brittany walks away in her teetery high heels dragging her wheely bag behind her.


Anonymous said...

Is Isis MTF? pre or post. If so I may need to watch this season just for that.

Professional Critic said...

Yes! Isis is pre-op MTF. I have a feeling she won't be around for long though so tune in while you still can.