Show Dogs

I'm sure you've all heard by now that a beagle has won best in show at Westminster for the first time. You can see the riveting video of Uno here , but the best part of this video for me was the freakshow poodles. The rest of the runner-ups are recognizable as dogs, but the poodles appear to be unfinished nursery school projects involving safety scissors and cotton balls.

Hopefully by now you've also all seen Best in Show, a Christopher Guest mockumentary chronicling the dog show circuit. But what I don't remember Best in Show addressing, and perhaps someone can help me remember, is why do show dogs have such asinine names? Uno's "real" name is Ch. K-Run’s Park Me In First. Another Westminster competitor, Ch. Colsidex Seabreeze Perfect Fit, aka "Marge." Ch. Redwitch Reason To Believe, aka "Macey."

What the hell is "Ch."? Child? Chicken? Chitlin? Churro? I haven't had dinner yet. Since I have no excuse for at least not attempting to answer the questions I pose here, I discover that "Ch." means the dog is an AKC Champion. Not as interesting as my explanation, but fine.

A typically American "scandal" breaks: Jane Fonda is in trouble for using "slang" for the vagina on television. Have you ever seen anything so salacious? Disgusting. It's almost as bad as when I was forced to look at Janet Jackson's nipple for one quarter of a nanosecond.