Sunday, October 25, 2009

My Secret Trench Coat, Plus

What it is reader! I keep forgetting to blog and instead watch lots of television on Hulu, which is a good indicator of just how exciting life is at the moment.

Here's a summary of the madcap adventures of Professional Critic:

1. I tried to employ The Secret to find a new jacket. I have been envisioning a deep teal blue trench coat, lined with some kind of animal print, I think leopard but maybe zebra. It's fitted but not belted, or maybe half belted in the back, and doesn't have all the weird faux military epaulets like your dad's 1975 London Fog. The fabric has a very light sheen. It makes me look mysteriously hip or hiply mysterious. Do you feel me, reader? I saw the jacket so clearly that actually buying it seemed a mere technicality. This was The Secret, was it not? So I sallied forth to manifest my jacket but much to my surprise, I was unable to do so, leaving The Gap, Nordstrom Rack and two of my very favorite independent clothing stores near my house empty-handed. I was so genuinely puzzled that I actually asked the clerk at one store, "where are your teal blue trench coats?" She must have been as confused by my question as I was by the store's woeful lack of teal trench coats, as she pointed to the black and gray coats, declining to make further eye contact.

2. Turns out, I may not be able to control retail fashion inventory with my thoughts, after all. Major buzz-kill Barbara Ehrenreich's new book Bright-Sided is a critique of the idea near and dear to the legions of Oprah that you can control the universe with your thoughts. Here she is, spreading her negativity to Jon Stewart on The Daily Show:

3. Speaking of Negative Nellies, I saw Michael Moore's new movie, Capitalism: A Love Story. It's full of inflammatory statistics presented out of context, heart-string-tugging stories out of the heartland, portraits of corporate greed and working class heroism, and the usual dose of Moore political theater, i.e. wrapping the Wall Street Bull in yellow crime scene tape. Good stuff. But one aspect of corporate shennanigans absolutely floored me: dead peasant insurance. These are life insurance policies a corporation takes out on employees and collects upon their death, whether or not they're still employed by the company. This is not the CEOs being insured, but the rank and file, like door greeters at Wal-Mart. THIS IS LEGAL? HELP ME, RHONDA! You can read about this ultra-repulsive, needs-to-be-outlawed practice here and here

4. I started using my sewing machine and made two new pillows for my couch. Crafty!


jdub said...

can't help you with your quest for a teal trenchcoat, but you know we went to school with Barbara Ehrenreich's kids?

And were these real zebra or leopard skin linings or ersatz? If the former, you're likely going to have a really hard time finding them! ;)

Anonymous said...

Dude - I LOVE this woman and am going to read her book. Thank god someone talked about how much in denial Americans can be around dealing with their feelings or being allowed to just be negative if they wish! I think it's so American for us to think that we can just wish something away by thinking hard enough about it. Don't get me wrong, I definitely believe in postitive thinking to a certain extent. However, when it comes to disease, starving children in Africa, the Holocaust etc., she's right that preaching that shit can make people feel as if they did something wrong to attract the outcome. To me that is much more harmful. As I told you the other day, it is such a typical American attitude that we want one book or one pill or one way to explain everything that we can't figure out. Sometimes it takes a lot of work and research and even then, we don't get an answer. Okay, I'm done. I'll go back to worshiping the Devil now...on a lighter note, Awesome pillows, Green!

Professional Critic said...

jdub, ersatz all the way! I don't want animals to die to satisfy my trench coat lust, but I can no longer deny my Long Island roots. I must have leopard print.

Alizsh, go read some of the 1 star reviews of this book on Amazon. They're hilarious. Yep, that's America.

april m. said...

so proud of your crafting of the pillows...they look profesh!!

Professional Critic said...

Thanks, April! I am super proficient with the seam ripper now.