Wednesday, September 02, 2009

A New Angle on Healthcare Reform

Hopefully we've all sufficiently progressed in our thinking so we can agree that preventative health care is a better use of scarce resources than emergency care. An important part of maintaining health is routine visits and screenings, natch.

I always leave my six month dental cleaning visit with a goody bag of items: toothbrush inscribed with dentist's name, toothpaste, floss and mouthwash. Sometimes the hygienist will even give a little neck massage. The allergist doles out samples of Claritin. The Breast Health Center gives out bottle of waters, pink stress balls and granola bars. But what have I ever gotten from the gynecologist at my annual visit? Reader, NOTHING.

Why is it that the most invasive and least pleasant of screenings (I have not yet hit the age of colonoscopy) yields no doctor swag? Pap smears and HPV screenings are extremely important for the health of ladyparts and what are our esteemed vag doctors doing to make sure we get there and come back every year? NOTHING.

So in the name of real health care reform, I've made a list of items to fill a gynecological swag bag and experiences to help all the ladies out there eager for their next beaver screening. Gynos, take note:

For the environmentally aware:
Diva Cup
Organic unbleached cotton Natracare products
Acidophilus capsules

For the appearance conscious:
Bikini wax, or decorative pubic hair shaping
Spray-on tanning

For the sex positive:
Samples of quality lube (KY is strictly for pelvic exams, instead Liquid Silk or Pjur.)
Articles from Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation

For the practical:
Period tracking calendar
Tampon case inscribed with practice name--good PR! These are cool but a bit steep.

For the debauched:
Caribou trimmed mules

It's about time.

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