Thursday, September 25, 2008

Live Blogging: America's Next Top Model

8:04 Analeigh is sad about being in the bottom two last week and frets about being there again this week. Hannah tried to keep it positive, she's all "pick up your beans and go on." Wtf? Maybe it's some Alaska thing?

8:05 Tyra mail says something about the gutter and the girls figure out they're going to a bowling alley. There's squealing.

8:06 Miss J meets the girls in the bowling alley and distibutes high heeled bowling shoes for a runway walk tutorial. Isis is stoked but slips right away. Analeigh is unable to act on Miss J's instructions to walk faster with more energy. Marjorie needs "a runway walk and not a shopping walk." Miss J mocks Hannah, who does look absurd. The girls are urged to try and find their center. Samantha is bow legged and Miss J proves her point by chucking a bowling ball between her legs, which Samantha takes in good humor. Miss J tells Elina to let go of her control freak ways so her walk can be more fluid.

8:09 Back at the house the girls practice walking with Isis acting as a coach.

Clark and the blond girl whose name I can't remember whisper on the couch about the other girls. They both think McKey and Elina are gorgeous. Clark says Isis still looks "manly," and in the confessional later says "It's time for Isis to go home. " I don't disagree with that but not because she looks manly, it's because her pictures are ho hum.

In the bathroom primping, Isis tells the group that girls are intimindated by her because she "does it better than they do," and isn't that nice about it. I hope it's about editing and that she wasn't that bitchy because if she was, she is delusional.

8:16 It's a runway challenge and the girls screech. They'll be portraying cat burglars in a vintage bank, modeling clothing designed by Jeremey Scott. The girls get gussied.

8:18 Miss J announces one twist--the girls will be blindfolded! Then Jay announces that someone will go home right after the challenge. The girls look stricken.

8:20 Blindfolded, the girls say they can see "a little." The show starts. Samantha looks like a crazed mall walker and hikes up her dress exactly the way the designer warned her not to do. Hannah's walk is a disaster. I smell doom.

Isis says, "The crowd went crazy when I walked." Is this about editing or is Isis a little too in love with Isis, and totally out of touch with how she's doing?

8:22 Miss J says everyone did "pretty damn good." I agree, the fact that no one fell off the runway is impressive.

The judges are happy with Analeigh, call out Samantha on her swinging windmill arms, tell Joslyn the crowd loves her energy. The challenge winner is: Joslyn! I wish the camera would show us Isis' reaction, she's probaby all 'I'll cut a bitch.'

Jay says if you don't have a good runway walk you'll never make it as a runway model. Hannah gets sent home. She says she's worried that she's disappointed her family. I want to give her a hug, she's so earnest. Then she says, "I'm from Alaska--I never thought I would be here," and unpleasant thoughts of Sarah Palin flood my consciousness.

8:24 Sheena and Isis join Joslyn on the photo shoot she won in the challenge for a 15 year old Russian desginer. The clothes are fug and Sheena resurrects her inner hoochie for the shoot.

8:25 The girls debrief about Hannah and seem sad, nervous. Analeigh frets more about her vulnerability and getting her confidence back and I'm ready for her to shut her piehole already.

8:29 Jay wakes up the girls at the crack and announces the photo shoot will be at their house, in the pool. The photo shoot is about smiling with your eyes, in the water. Isis freaks about wearing a bikini bottom. Noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker is in the pool in a wet suit, tells the ladies "eyes are a window to the soul," and encourages them to "bring it," both thoroughly original sentiments.

Joslyn looks like she's drowning, Jay says Clark is "straight up flirting with Nigel," Isis tells us she's wearing "3 pairs of undergarments." Nigel says she looked scared and has a droopy eye that looks "cyclops."

Analeigh finally nails a shoot and is super excited. Elina gets stuck and can't think of poses. It's painful to watch her flail, she's usually so composed.

8:36 Elina is bummed that she didn't do well and Sheena encourages her. Seeing the writing on the wall, Isis calls her godfather and says, "it's not translating to pictures." He gives her a slightly nonsensical pep talk.

8:43 Panel

Sheena's pic looks awesome. Tyra says, "Look at the intensity of that eye!"
Joslyn had too much white of her eye showing, which Tyra informs us is because she wasn't smiling with her eyes. Turns out she was afraid of drowning.
Paulina says Marjorie's picture will give her nightmares. The rest of the panel disagrees.
Lauren Brie still takes good pictures. I continue to be amazed.
Isis' pic is bad all around. She talks about her bathing suit anxiety. Nigel says she let it hamper her performance.
Not only did Clark smile with her eyes, she smiled with her whole body. Bet Nigel's body is smiling, too.
Nigel says Mckeys's hand looks like a club. Ouch.
The judges are disappointed in Elina and she accepts it.
Analeigh "finally used her skater talents" for a shot. I actually understand what the hell they mean by that, but don't think this will carry her for long.
The judges praise Samantha's ability to pose her hands beautifully.

8:51 Judges deliberate.

They wonder what happened to Elina, acknowledge that Analeigh was next to go but saved herself. Miss J mocks Joslyn for being afrad of drowning, Paulina compares Marjorie's photo to "a headless horseman drowning in a pool of his own blood." They love Lauren Brie's photo, agree Isis is becoming forgettable, and that Clark had the most powerful eyes of anyone in this photo shoot. Judges agree that Samantha's photo is fine but the designer calls her out for conducting herself on the runway like "a truck driver and a stripper. "

8:54 Best photo is Clark.

Analeigh gets called next and her relief is palpable.
Wow, Mckey looks so much weirder in real life than in her pictures.
Tyra tells Joslyn she needs to learn how to model in water

Isis and Samantha are bottom 2
Tyra tells Isis, "You continue to look sleepier and sleepier, coasting into nothingness."
She tells Samantha she takes "gorgeous pictures from week to week but the designer was so insulted by what you did on that runway he was disgusted. And being a model is all about being hired by a designer ..."

Isis gets sent home. She wears a tiara when she says goodbye and I find a little more love for her.


Anonymous said...

damn, she's gone and i forgot to tivo it...............

Professional Critic said...

I know, I thought she would last a little longer ... it's cut throat out there for a transgender model ...