Thursday, June 12, 2008

All Roads Lead to Polterwang

Interwebs is a cornucopia of delights, is it not? One such delicious tidbit in the virtual horn o'plenty is learning how readers get here. Since there's not many of you, this can be accomplished in less than ninety seconds. As I scroll through the searches that lead to Professional Critic, it becomes clear that no matter where you started from on the globe, many of you arrive here via polterwang.

Perhaps you encountered this odd word out there on the vast plains of the world wide web and aren't sure what it means. You've come to the right place. Let's break it down.

Polter = ghost, as in don't step into the light Carol Anne.

Wang = you know, willy.

Thus, polterwang is the phenomenon of certain pairs of pants giving a woman the illusion of a penis. If you're a woman, this has surely happened to you, quite possibly in a pair of jeans that you liked so much except for that small, or rather big, problem.

It's the cousin of camel toe, also caused by ill-fitting pants, but those on the overly tight end of the pants-fit continuum. This problem can be compounded by fabric type, the stretchy yoga variety being one of the worst offenders.

Obviously I'm equally drawn to polterwang, hence my original post from back in December, which drew in such a varied crowd.

I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Whoever said that technology can be isolating has clearly never experienced the uniting force of polterwang. Thanks, Fug Girls.


Anonymous said...


Professional Critic said...

Dear Anonymous, Thanks for your comment. I'm equally surprised by the global polterwang phenomenon. However odd this fascination may be, Professional Critic takes her duties seriously, and if that means writing about concocted words describing how clothing drapes genitalia, by gum, that's what Professional Critic must do.

batwinger said...

Who can hope to equal the linguistic stylings of anonymous? Not batwinger. But did the Fuggees get it from you or you from them?

Professional Critic said...

Oh God no! I could never hope to coin a word as perfectly as the Fug Girls do. I bow before them.

Anonymous said...

sorry, i was in a hurry batwing and wtf summed up my feelings after reading the polterwang thang. i'm no professor or even a blogger....just a harried mother. but procrit, I loved the post. very funny as usual. i think i had polterwang in highschool with some jeans and i think i thought i felt skinny with it because of the extra fabric.

Professional Critic said...

No worries anonymous--we've all unwittingly rocked the polterwang.

Anonymous said...

Is a polterwang on Katie Holmes something Tom Cruise would be jealous about?

Professional Critic said...

Hmmm. You pose an excellent question, anonymous. Would phantom male genitalia on Katie make Tom green with envy? Only they know for sure.