Saturday, December 08, 2007

I'd Like To File a Complaint

Hi. Is this the window to register official complaints? Okay, well, this week as you might know I was ailing with a very disagreeable stomach bug. But I went to work Friday like a trooper even though they were having a breakfast and the whole building reeked of scrambled eggs and sausage which covered up the smell of all the decomposing mice behind the walls, which came back with a vengeance in the late afternoon. It was all very tenuous, but with many fresh air breaks, I made it.

On my way home from work I drove past a taqueria and thoughts of grilled chicken super burritos invaded my head and I felt horribly nauseous, picturing sour cream and guacamole oozing out of a tortilla gah, but I could stop thinking about super burritos and think instead about something very neutral like orderly rows of three-ring view binders, and that feeling went away. Which is real progress.

But then before bedtime I started to feel funny, not haha, my throat kind of hurt and my ear ached, bad sign for me, so I took an Emergen-C, hoping it wouldn't set off a riot in my guts, and went to bed. And then? I woke up this morning definitely sick. Sore throat, headache, tired, achy and really fucking irritated. So that's why I'm here.

What? You have something for me? Is this a prescription? Financial compensation for my suffering? Okay, okay, I'll read it!

Dear Professional Critic:

Suck it up.

The Universe


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