Monday, November 05, 2007

Let the Good Qi Flow

The last time I went to see my doctor--he's an osteopath--for a persistent goopy cough, after listening to my lungs, he took my Chinese pulses for liver, kidneys and lungs. He informed me that they were very weak, then grilled me about my drinking habits. I have maybe one drink per month, but I was so taken aback by his line of questioning I started to doubt myself: could I be a skid row drunk in such a state of constant blackout I don't even realize it? He asked me to stay to do a strengthening acupuncture treatment, even calling Lizh to tell her I'd be late for our shopping expedition as I was laid out on the table like a pincushion.

After giving me the biggest lecture I've ever had from a doctor about taking better care of myself, he recommended that I do some kind of Asian martial art, and said I absolutely should not do yoga because yoga drains qi. (Not spelled "chi," who knew?) This was fine with me, as I have no desire to do yoga at all. Since he's been right about everything else so far (earlier he recommended a better way to handle my allergies) I figured he knows what he's talking about.

I bought a $2 Tai Chi DVD from ebay. It's super dated, as you can see from the instructor's permed mullet and a porn star mustache. The "players" as they're called in Tai Chi, like the people that pranced behind Jane Fonda, are equal fashion victims. Sweat pants that come up above the waist, weird tan sneakers, you remember the 80s, right?

The cringeworthy dialogue could make any Writer's Guild member renounce the strike: "I don't know about you, but I feel like Chinese," and "Tai Chi is a beautiful dance. Would you take the next steps with me?" But since Tai Chi is thousands of years old, twenty years can't make too much of a difference, right?

Some day I will be able to do this:

So far I can just do like the first 90 seconds: Sink to the Earth, Part the Wild Horse's Mane, and Something about a White Crane's Wings. I have no idea what she's doing after that, but isn't it purty?


Anonymous said...

it's definitely worth a trip to sf to watch you do tai chi

Anonymous said...

i think, as I believe you may as well, that the D.O. is in fact a kook, even though he's gotten a couple of things right...but it IS fun to think of you doing tai chi! ;)

themama said...

I have paula abdul's "get up and dance" workout tape from 1995 that you can buy from amazon for $.01. She might help your qi.

Professional Critic said...

Paula Abdul is so obviously influenced by ancient Eastern arts, I can easily see her helping my qi flow. She would be able to handle her alcohol and pill demons a little more readily if she just tapped into her deeply spiritual roots.