Trapped in a Flying Tin Can

On the red-eye east I'm usually blissfully enshrouded in an Ativan induced fog. Without it I definitely would not sleep and end up a total freaking disaster that no amount of Dunkin Donuts coffee and old fashioneds could salvage. But the flight back, dear God. It was interminable. There were delays on the ground in NY, nearly vomit-inducing turbulence, and rerouting out west which prolonged our flying time even more. I seriously thought I was going to flip out, I was so uncomfortable and bored. As I'm writing this I'm coming to the conclusion that I need to be drugged going west, too. But! The Jet Blue in-seat entertainment system helped me to not completely lose my shit. Here are the highlights of my seven hour tv-fest:

Tom and Jerry: Hands down, my favorite childhood cartoon. The thousands of hours I watched these two bash each other with frying pans without ever once hitting anyone with a frying pan myself speaks for either the relative lack of influence of television or the influence of my non-violent parents. Or maybe both.

A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: Do you know who Tila Tequilia is? I didn't, but she has almost two million friends on MySpace, for what that's worth. She's an entertainer and by that I mean stripper, porn star and singer, using the loosest definition of that word.

Tila is looking for true love--the stuff reality shows are made of. There's a twist though--Tila is bisexual and so men and women are vying for her affections. I was immediately hooked. The men were a pretty sorry lot, a bunch of knuckle-scraping dullards. The woman were much sharper and more interesting. I only saw two episodes so someone with MTV will have to bring me up to speed on who gets a shot at love with Tila.

But the best part of the flight was Purple Rain. I haven't seen this since it came out in 1984, which would have made me 13. I have very vivid memories of sitting in my friend Jodi's den having my mind blown by Prince. He may have replaced John Taylor that day as my fantasy object. It was the 80s, so they both wore eyeliner and ruffled shirts, but Prince was so hot and so ... freaky dirty. I've been listening to the soundtrack all day-skipping over the bigger hits but looping Take me With You, The Beautiful Ones, Computer Blue--that's the one that starts mysteriously:

Wendy?
Yes, Lisa
Is the water warm enough?
Yes, Lisa
Shall we begin?
Yes, Lisa

I never knew what that meant and I still don't. But this article suggests an enema, which never occurred to my 13 year old brain, but sounds like about as good a guess as any. I love it when the eggheads talk about pop culture--she used the word "gnosis." Excellent.