Reader, in the aftermath of the Steubenville rape trial an alarming phenomenon has come to light. Some young gentlemen have a very narrow view of the options before them when encountering a passed out young lady at a party. Here's an example of a post-verdict tweet from such a young man, charming Josiah:
I've been in the presence of several passed out women over the years and managed to not rape any of them. Not to be a braggart, but maybe I should toot my own horn a bit since this is apparently a rare accomplishment! In fact, I did better than not committing even one rape: I didn't film myself carrying around anyone unconscious, or joke about urinating on her, or send her intimidating texts after the fact to scare her out of reporting. But since Josiah has alerted me to what "most people" would have done in this situation and that perfectly normal rapey response can "ruin" a promising sports career and necessitate registering as a sex offender, I compiled this handy guide. Hang it on your refrigerator, or put it in your wallet or car--anywhere you might encounter a passed out young woman.
Things To Do When Encountering a Passed-Out Young Woman at a Party That Don't Involve Raping Her
1. Check to see if she's breathing.
2. Call 911 if she isn't.
3. Find her friends to take her home.
4. If #3 isn't an option, call her mom/dad.
5. If that isn't an option, call the most sympathetic mom. Maybe your own mom! Preface it like this: "Mom. I'm sorry to be calling so late, but I'm at a party and there's a girl who's in trouble and I think she needs help. Can you please come?"
6. If those options won't work, get her out of the way and turn her on her side. We all saw Breaking Bad, right? Don't be like Walt.
7. Put a blanket on her.
8. If you can't bring yourself to do anything actively helpful, how about just doing nothing? This is preferable to perpetrating harm.
Some might call this guide "common sense." Others, "being a decent human being." Perhaps, but these things are rare, as we are learning today. Hopefully not as rare as Josiah would have us believe.