How Am I Not on Vacation? Let Me Count the Ways

10. Donning of socks for the first time in ten days

9. Application of deodorant for the first time in ten days

8. Brushing of hair yep you know the rest

7. Lack of black raspberry ice cream cones

6. No nearby swimmable body of water, therefore

5. No need for beloved floaty

4. Lack of availability of shell-themed tchotchkes

3. People around me making verbs where there are none, i.e. "agendize," "cross-walk," instead of more acceptable speech patterns, i.e. "pass the sunscreen," "are there any more Cheetos," "top off your prosecco?"

2. No adorably snaggly-toothed nephews around

1. No sign of linguica anywhere