Monday, November 19, 2007

Professional Critic's Top Christmas Picks

In case you're wondering, here's my Christmas wishlist. Items are chosen based on their practicality and affordability.

1. Since I've become too stupid to know when I should have a glass of water, the HydraCoach Intelligent Water Bottle will tell me when, no doubt saving me from an agonizing death by dehydration. At $29.95, can you afford not to have this?

2. Because it's also way too hard to pick up a pen and make a grocery list with my God-given opposable thumbs, I will also be needing a Voice-Activated Grocery List for $149.95

3. I thought the pepper mill I had ($12 for the set at TJ Maxx) was okay, but as soon as I saw the Peugot Electric Pepper Mill which features "peppercorn-channeling grooves," I knew I needed to upgrade. This one also has a light to eliminate shadows, a pepper grinding problem I never realized I had until I read this, one I'm only too happy to solve for $99.

4. Though I was initially upset when no one bought me the Cornufe stove I coveted in these pages earlier this year, I'm glad I waited because it now comes in red. This will match the pair of $3 Target pot holders I recently bought. Although I accidentally set one of them on fire so now I only have one, this purchase still makes all kinds of sense. It practically pays for itself at $8000 (plus $1300 for shipping), but since it cannot be gift-wrapped, you'll need to come to my house to put a bow on it. And actually, since this stove is bigger than my entire kitchen, you'll be needing to get me a bigger place as well, but that's what they mean by the holiday spirit, isn't it?

Happy Shopping!

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