Friday, November 02, 2007

Dia de Los Cleavage

Last weekend was pretty big as far as events go, since anytime I leave the house I more or less consider it "an event."

First up: Faboo annual Halloween party thrown by my former boss and his partner. These guys pull out all, and I mean all the stops out for their parties, essentially rebuilding their house for each themed party. This year's theme was "Sleepy Hollow." I did some online research and Lizh came with a whole bachelor's degree of costume design knowledge and together we came to the same conclusion: this was pretty dull period for women's costumes. Drab Puritan grays and humorless bonnets. I decided I would be an alehouse serving wench.

Essential to a serving wench costume we both agreed, was cleavage, and lots of it. Due to my rather modest bosom, this was easier said than done. I started with a good, new (not stretched out) bra. Next we investigated potential stuffing media to thrust boobs out of wench shirt. Cotton balls were easily squashed like marshmallows, lacking the needed oomph for the job. Next we tried a rolled-up dress sock. Nothing. Try a bigger sock, Lizh suggested and I pulled out my giant wool-cotton hiking socks. Not that big! Lizh yelled in horror. And just like Goldilocks, the next, middle-weight rolled sock strategically placed to the side of each boob, was just right:

It takes a village


This picture didn't come out at all but I thought it was cool. It looks like I went to a rave but it's just their front yard. There's a lot of cool things that you can't make out. Sorry.


This is their kitchen, with a tree that goes all the way up into a skylight. This only sort of captures how amazing this was. The head looks to be a red cabbage.


Next event: Day of the Dead festival, where there was also quite a bit of cleavage that seemed a lot more effortless than mine

One of the altars


This was mostly fun although very crowded. There were many pork products of all kinds--I really should have taken a picture of all the tacos, pupusas, and fried platain and yuca I ate, but I was too busy stuffing my face to think about documenting the events of my life. Oh well.

Aztec dancers


Really megacool headdresses, with these really long feathers that would whip around dramatically. Sort of like native American fancy dancing.

In conclusion ... my camera skills suck. I promise to do better next time.

4 comments:

Batwing said...

P-Crit! I am so excited you are in NaBloPoMo which I am pretty sure was invented by The Coolest Girl in My High School, now known as Fussy. In addition to getting to feel those degrees of Baconian separation closing in on me I get to read your hilarious prose regularly. "Extra food and medicine for my dead cat," heh heh.

Your Big Fan,

Batwing

themama said...

Hi Cleavage! You could have borrowed my water filled breast enhancing pads. They're magical.

Anonymous said...

I knew you could do it! Excellent work on the cleavage front, Wench and Villager Lizh. Very impressive.

~ A Professional Critic fan and former roommate

Professional Critic said...

Yay! Thanks for your comments and support (ahem) for my wench project. It's just what Nanny always taught me: "If at first you don't achieve cleavage, stuff, stuff again."